


Kieran Studio Salon

by Uncollecther (AlltheB7)



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: 13th Doctor - Freeform, Alternate Universe, B'Elanna Torres - Freeform, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Dilithium, F/F, Humor, I made up a species so Supergirl's heat vision would bubble ineffectively in water, Kara has her first bad hair day, Kara is oblivious, Lena Luthor is a Tease, Lena Luthor is a hair stylist, Lena has science fingers, Lena is a science nerd, Lena is turned on by science, Nerdy Lena, Prime Minister Trudeau, Sonic Screwdriver, Winn is done, alex has an issue, bulletproof hair, ceiling sex, ceremonial dagger, did i mention merpeople?, no really it is about Supergirl's hair, you will find out
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-08-31
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:54:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 22,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23211313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlltheB7/pseuds/Uncollecther
Summary: The brow unfurrows slightly at this and Elle purses her lips together in a small smile. "So" her focus moves to the clipboard and Kara feels air reenter her lungs. "I see you didn't specify where you're from." Kara's pulse quickens "That's okay, everyone's situation is different." Kara sighs in relief. "Why don't you tell me what I need to know about your hair?"The stylist's gaze is suddenly on Kara, her eyes so clear and direct Kara's not sure how to rephrase "my hair is bullet proof" so she's staring at Elle and holding her breath, eyes wide, trying not to panic and trying not to grip anything.ORHow does one give a Kryptonian a haircut?ORKara experiences her first ever bad hair day and goes to Kieran Studio Salon for help.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 69
Kudos: 357





	1. First Encounters

**Author's Note:**

> I literally only wrote this fic because of a discussion about Kara's hair and how it's maintained. Someone tried to say that Kara *could* trim her hair with her heat vision, similarly to how Clark shaves his face every morning using heat vision. Which is...wrong. I cannot be the only person who thinks that a mirror--whether it's reflective or not--is not exactly up to the task of reflecting heat vision and find it rather disappointing that this is supposed to be canon?  
> Of course, I reference Kara cutting her hair using heat vision, but honestly folks, it's a cop-out and you're welcome to give me guff about it. In fact, you should.  
> I'm going to come up with something better. Simpler, even. Like kryptonite shears or--I don't know, how about utilizing red sun lamps for something other than SuperCorp trash banging Kara and Lena into blissful oblivion? (Not that I will ever complain about smutshamelesssmut, yall, please don't stop writing what gets me up every morning.) Or using nth metal?  
> One of my more outlandish and fun ideas is for Kara to comb her hair and hold it out for Alex to cut it by sharpshooting it with one of her cool guns. Because you know, the Danvers sisters be crazy.  
> Or maybe there are underground alien salons in people's private homes. That would make sense. More sense than a freaking mirror holding up to 50,000,000 degrees.  
> ...Not that I am still peeved about how weak the idea is or anything or how much it has to smell of burnt hair. Yeesh.
> 
> Reasons and inspiration aside, please enjoy!

* * *

It feels like her hair is about to be ripped out of her head as Kara grabs at the huge scaly hand that's gripping it. Her body arcing high over the bay, Kara struggles to orient herself as she is being manhandled by a glorified mermaid (mer...person?). She loves merpeople, merpeople are great, but right now, she is really, really unimpressed. Ariel c _ould_ be singing to a seagull and Sebastian or luring dimwit sailors to their doom, but no, they want to wreak havoc on the ships in the bay. Not to mention they _most definitely_ should not be messing up Kara's lunch break.

The creature dives downward, whiplash ripple-crackling the bones of Supergirl's neck, both clawed hands digging into her scalp, dark green-lipped smile grinning maliciously as the two crash into the salty water.

They're sinking rapidly and Kara feels the pressure increasing. She is struggling to get the claws off of her head, twisting her body trying to break the hold. The alien shrieks and the sounds pulsate painfully in her ears. Finally getting her fingers around a couple of the aliens own fingers, Kara successfully pries one claw out of her hair and lights up the alien with heat vision.

Well, she tries to light up Ariel. But instead of heat lasers, the water is absorbing the heat, and all she's currently doing is boiling the water into bubbles around her face. Kara's lungs are burning painfully for oxygen and she's beginning to feel the creep of fear in her ribs. Something went right, though, because a green arm is pulled back and the shriek is cut short and they're letting go and Kara is grasping the alien's midsection, propelling them upward. Getting a grip, she pushes up, dragging the chartreuse menace with her.

Kara's head breaks the surface and she's heaving great breaths, grateful for the sunny day and clear weather. Then the creature is grabbing her by the hair again, yanking her head sideways and doing it's own version of an alligator roll. Kara screams, grabs its arms to hold it still, then freezes the creature's chest for real this time, and the water around them is crackling into ice and the alien screeches again, but Kara gives it her best Supergirl stink eye and it realizes its voice is not as powerful in air as it is in water. Finally, she's hauling the alien back to shore and hands the mer-chunk of ice over to the DEO.

Wincing, Alex gives Kara a once-over. "You could use a brush," she offers drily as she's getting into the tactical vehicle. Kara huffs and rolls her eyes. _Well that's r_ _ude._ "Wanna ride, Supergirl?"

"I'll meet you there," Kara returns and shoots off into the sky.

* * *

She planned on showering and getting ready before the debrief, but instead Kara is in the locker room staring at a large knot of her hair that is refusing to come undone. She showered already, but the bird's nest won't budge. She tried conditioner, super strength, and in a moment of frustration, she almost used her heat vision to cut it off, but realized that if she cuts her hair, people might possibly put two and two together between Kara Danvers and Supergirl. 

Or she might burn down the locker room with any stray heat vision lasers.

So with the orange light dying in her eyes as she balefully glares in the mirror, Kara is pulling the strands trying to ease them apart one by one when the door opens and Nia's voice calls out. 

"Hey Kara, what's taking so-oh no." A hand is over Nia's mouth and she's clearly seeing the disaster that is on Kara's head.

Pouting into her friend's reflection, Kara turns and whines. "Nia. I need help."

Nia comes over and raises a hand to the mess before pulling away. She bites her lip apologetically and winces again. "You tried conditioner?"

Kara nods and huffs, dejected.

"And...a. .. comb?"

A sigh and huff "Niaaa."

Nia gives Kara a pained expression of sympathy. "Oh, hon, I don't think I can help .... this." She smiles sadly at the super with her big kind eyes. "Oh! Wait! I might know someone who can!" And she is texting on her phone with one hand while the other rests on Kara's forearm, thumb rubbing small circles.

"Okay," the brunette draws out, looking at the screen. "Okay...so, a friend of mine knows a place... okay, I'm going to text you their number. They don't do walk-ins." Nia taps the screen and smiles at Kara. "There you go."

Kara picks up her phone and looks at the number. She sighs again.

Nia grimaces. "Bandana?"

* * *

"Good Afternoon, thanks for calling. How can I help." The woman's tone is -- at best -- disinterested and Kara is afraid she's dialed the wrong number.

"Hi," Kara has no idea what to say, so she barrels into it. "I am calling to make an appointment with Kieran...Um, Kieran Salon? I was told you do appointments for people with--with uh--different circumstances." She's pacing in her kitchen, one hand holding the phone delicately, the other resting on the paisley lavender bandana on her head.

The voice on the other end is borderline gruff "And how did you hear about Kieran?"

"A friend of mine, her name is Nia, she recommended you."

Tapping sounds in the background, then "Right. We've got a slot open for a preliminary appointment tomorrow at...noon."

She cannot show up to Cat Grant's office with her hair like this and she cannot afford to take the first half of the day off. Hot tears prick behind her eyes. Really, the last thing she should be crying about is her hair, but after defeating Angry Ariel, she realizes she barely has any food in the house, she can't find her mom's locket, and to top it off, the landlord sent a letter reminding residents that they can't have dogs in their apartments which means Kara can't foster any more puppies. Kara is feeling very vulnerable right now. What is she supposed to do with her hair like this? How could she get it fixed before work tomorrow? _And how will she cope without any puppies to cuddle?_ She inhales the sob, holding it in, breath hitching, "Do you have anything a little sooner?"

A shuffle on the other end, muffled voice that sounded like it said _it's a cryer_ , a pause, then "Our 6pm cancelled--" Kara's head whips to the clock to see it's 5:57 "if you can make it here in the next--"

Kara's heart leaps and she's rushing through the words "Icanbethere! I can be there! Where are you located?"

"Great" the woman's voice sounds like she does not find this great at all and in the background Kara hears another softer voice emerge. "My stylist here says that if you can't make it in ten minutes, she's headed out."

Tears are filling her eyes and Kara is trying desperately not to crush her cell phone in anxiety "I can totally be there. Where are you located?"

A sigh then "We're at the corner of Pacific and 34th. What was your name again?"

Kara is gathering her keys and praying to Rao that this woman isn't yanking her chain. Without thinking, she gives her cover name "Kara, Kara Danvers." She's stuffing her keys into the pocket of her Supergirl costume and is jumping out the window as she gives the woman her cell number.

"I can't hear when you're breathing into the phone, you're going to have to repeat that--"

Kara lands a block away in what looks to be an empty alley and changes as fast as she can. Then she's speed walking to the front of an abandoned industrial warehouse with large glass windows. No signs. Just blank windows. There isn't any shop. She repeats her number and turns around, imagining how she's going to explain to Cat Grant that she suddenly likes bandannas. She super speeds to the corner to check the signs. Pacific Ave and 34th. Mounting dread creeps up the back of her neck and she's desperately trying to control her voice "I'm at the corner of Pacific and 34th, I'm not seeing any shop?"

"You're here?" More clicking then "Huh. Guess you're the person in the, uh, cardigan?"

"Yes!" Kara turns, looking for cameras and notices mounts on the corners of a couple buildings.

"Okay. Wait there." Kara fidgets with the hem of her cardigan. It feels like an eternity as she waits.

Then there's a buzzing and footfalls beyond the warehouse doors. A shadowy figure emerges into definition and pushes open the doors "Kara? Here for the 6 o'clock?"

The woman has pale skin with ridges along her forehead and cheeks. She is strikingly beautiful and looks like she'd rather be anywhere else right now.

Kara heaves a sigh and smiles weakly, "Yep, that's me!"

The woman grimace-smiles as she takes in Kara's bandana and Kara imagines diving face first into the ground so she can die of embarrassment alone. Then the woman seems to remember she's might need to let Kara in and steps back to allow Kara entry. "I'm Lyra." Her face twitches, and she adds as if obeying some undesired training "Welcome."

"Thanks." Kara's voice is small as she steps inside the dim interior and is led into the warehouse. It occurs to her that she hasn't told anyone where she was going as they enter a large elevator lift that looks more like a cage. Well, Nia knows, she figures.

Lyra closes the metal grate and looks at Kara's bandana again. Shaking her head, she presses a button and they are clattering downward. Nervously, Kara fingers her glasses and feels the need to fill the silence.

"It's a nice day isn't it?"

At this, Lyra nods. "Yeah, it is. Heard Supergirl held up traffic around the bay."

"Oh? I heard she did a good job taking care of that... angry alien." 

Lyra deadpans Kara. "Yeah. Okay." Well, not everyone can be a Supergirl fan. 

The lift grinds to a halt and Kara winces, feeling like she has literally and physically hit a new low. Her stomach rumbles and she realizes she hasn't eaten since before the fight and she is _starving_.

Lyra opens the grate and leads Kara down a well-lit hallway decorated with graffiti and large photos of aliens with a variety of hair styles. Kara ogles at them and swallows. She's never seen anything like this before on earth. Is she going to be able to afford this place? Another rock plunks down in her gut at how much this is going to cost and her stomach growls again in protest.

They're walking through the doorway at the end and it _is_ a salon. And it also looks like a barber shop...? There are mirrors along the sides and stations along the mirrors with a variety of chairs and tools. A large screen TV is fixed into a corner and is set to National City's news channel at a low volume. A ticker at the bottom of the screen reads of the newest red-blue codes--that is, road and business closures that happen due to Supergirl/alien activity. She winces that the ocean front has two new vehicle-sized potholes, but hey, fighting aliens is unpredictable.

Besides, she can help fix the holes once she's done with her hair situation.

She notices a lone figure in red chucks and long white lab coat sits at a desk at the far end of the room, hunched over a laptop, typing incredibly fast on the device. Dark hair is piled haphazardly on to their head as if it's been carelessly maneuvered up and down like some kind of mad scientist and Kara is curious and frightened at the prospect of meeting an actual mad scientist. Well, one that isn't genocidal, at least.

A clipboard is shoved in Kara's hands and she looks down at a form that is asking all sorts of personal things, like her address, credit card number, and what kind of alien is she? Really, it's a whole list:

Do you have areas that are not to be touched?  
What kind of hair do you have?  
What kind of follicles? ( _Follicles_?)  
Do you have fur? Please specify  
What do you normally do for treatment?  
Are your shampoos water soluble?  
Are your conditioners protein-inhibitive? 

Biting her lip and focusing on not crushing the pen, Kara checks off the appropriate boxes, writes in her name and credit card info, and checks the non-disclosure box on what kind of alien she is. J'onn barely has hair, she is pretty sure that he wouldn't understand that her hair is a priority right now. Getting it fixed will also mean not being fired from her job which is also good for Supergirl because Supergirl is _hungry_ and in order to eat she needs money from her job. So she is outing herself as an alien, but not as Supergirl. It's not like anyone else here is known to her. She will figure it out. She knows how to not reveal her identity, she's gotten good at it over the years.

Kara hands the clipboard back and Lyra shouts over her shoulder to... maybe the person in the lab coat? "Your new 6 o'clock is here. Where to?"

The figure keeps typing, and a voice that trails up Kara's navel is speaking loudly. "Station four, and sorry, you'll have to gimme a minute. Calculating the amino-inhibitors for Saturnians is...." she drifts off, ringed hand stopped gesturing midair, clearly absorbed by the inhibitors. Kara can just make out the side of a jaw and that the woman is probably chewing on the tip of her pen.

Kara is led to "station four" and sits. She's facing the mirror and her life decisions and isn't sure how she feels. On top of that, _Rao she is hungry_.

The woman who holds Kara's fate in her hands is obliviously typing away and Kara closes her eyes to hold back the tears. She could really use some potstickers right now. And a vat of ice cream. And a really _really_ good Alex hug. She takes a deep breath, steadies herself, and pulls out her phone to message Alex that she's going to need an emergency sister session tonight. She shoves the phone away so she doesn't crush it and there's the sound of the woman coming over. Kara pulls one side of the bandana and it slips off of her head.

"Hi, I'm--" The dark haired woman's eyes round in surprise, the rest of her chiseled features freezing in place when she looks at Kara's hair. "Oh wow." Her bow-shaped mouth is slightly open as she's staring at Kara's nest-hair. Kara wants to cover her face. Then the woman is clearing her throat and schooling her features expertly. She takes in a deep breath and gives Kara a conciliatory smile. "My apologies, I'm sure you're already in distress." The bright eyes soften. "I'm Elle. I'll be taking care of... this, no problem."

And like that, Kara feels a little ray of hope shine in her eyes. "Hi, I'm Kara." She wiggles her fingers up from the arm rest and fails at not staring at Elle. The woman stands stiffly for someone who looks relaxed, and yeah, it's weird that she's wearing a lab coat, red jeans, and a band shirt, but _Rao_ Elle is..."Goodness." The word exhales right out of the superhero's face and Kara is mortified because Elle is now looking at her with a question in her eyebrows. "Oh--goodness, you will have your work cut out for you."

The brow unfurrows slightly at this and Elle purses her lips together in a small smile. "So" her focus moves to the clipboard and Kara feels air reenter her lungs. "I see you didn't specify where you're from." Kara's pulse quickens "That's okay, everyone's situation is different." Kara sighs in relief. "Why don't you tell me what I need to know about your hair?"

The stylist's gaze is suddenly on Kara, her eyes so clear and direct Kara's not sure how to rephrase "my hair is bullet proof" so she's staring at Elle and holding her breath, eyes wide, trying not to panic and trying not to grip anything. Elle's eyes narrow and she tilts her head, patiently waiting.

Kara swallows thickly and Elle's smile becomes even more kindly, pale eyes arcing gently. Then she is spinning Kara's salon chair around and Kara can smell the warm scent of something floral and heady that's coming off of the brunette.

Elle scratches at her forehead, face scrunched up. "Okay, so this is your first time, right?" She must think Kara is mental.

Kara nods to avoid thinking in words. Elle's mouth quirks at a corner and Kara has no idea how to keep herself from staring at the saturated scarlet of her mouth.

Elle nods again, "That's okay. We all get a little nervous sometimes, right?" Her voice has a slight accent to it and it is overturning things in Kara's brain. The brunette turns and grabs a stool from another station, sets it by Kara's right hand, and perches atop it with a sigh. "There, now we're more eye-to-eye." Elle's red skinny jeans are tight and Kara's eyes watch how she spreads her knees wide apart, hands propped in front of her, feet set on the rungs-- she's like some kind of sexy-nerd gargoyle. Kara gives a weak smile. The woman unclips her hair and long dark strands cascade down. She begins restyling it as she's talking.

"Why don't we chat for second, get to know each other?" Elle smiles and Kara's smiling back and nodding.

"Yeah, yes, okay." Kara manages. Her chin is raising and Kara has no idea what her body is doing anymore.

Elle starts talking. "I'm from earth, I'm human. I opened an alien hair salon because there aren't enough of them in town and because I live for science."

"Science?" Kara is proud that she's up to multisyllabic words.

Elle's eyes widen and she's leaning forward excitedly. "Yes. So human hair requires protein and oils and certain types of care, right? Well, so does alien hair. Obviously. Except aliens don't have human physiology or biology, so using Pantene or L'Oreal or whatever isn't going to work for everyone. Hence," her hands splay outward as she lifts her shoulders "science!" The pale woman continues "Most aliens in the city don't talk or ask for much -- a lot of what they use they order--" Elle's gesturing upwards "but who knows how long it's going to take for their next delivery? And what if they aren't able to order their supplies from the next galaxy over? Just like nobody thinks of the big things they can't comprehend, nobody thinks about the small stuff." Elle is huffing and rolling her eyes "I mean, there are a lot of big things we need to worry about, the Ru'orne's one example of what kind of big stuff happens here in National City, but what about the small comforts that some aliens can't have because they live on Earth?" Kara had not thought of that for a long time. Not since she was fifteen and desperately crying because the clothes she wore to Earth didn't smell like Krypton anymore. There is so much _stuff_ that aliens give up when they come to Earth. Something tugs in Kara's gut at the idea of being able to smell her mother's shampoo again. She swallows thickly. There is something to be said of Elle's understanding.

Elle watches Kara closely, as if she is running calculations in her mind and is aware that this topic is sensitive. Kara's nodding but has a question. "Ru'orne's?"

The nerdy gargoyle sits straighter "Yes. Ru'orne are a water species. The one that Supergirl fought this afternoon" she explains, her bright eyes watching Kara.

Eyes widening, Kara is surprised. She's not familiar with the Mean-Girl-merpeople-species. "You know of the type of alien Supergirl fought today?"

Flapping a hand, Elle brushes that aside "There are a few that have come by, but they aren't fond of the air on Earth. It doesn't 'fizzle properly' when it aerates in our oceans. Or that's what the last customer said. They were stopping through on a trip to the Delta Quadrant." 

"Oh, wow. I had no idea," Kara breathes out. 

Elle smiles gently "Why would we normally? It's not like most humans consider these things or encounter aliens all that much."

Kara feels a warm tingly sensation in her chest as she regards at Elle. Elle tilts her head and returns the gaze. 

She is remembering why she's here and is trying keep faith in Elle and her _science_. Human science was so trippy to Kara.

Elle nods to Kara for the blonde to share her own information. "Hey, yeah," Kara starts slowly. "I am Kara, Kara Danvers, and I've been in the city for a couple of years. And..." she takes a deep breath, eyes closing "today is the first day I've ever had a bad hair day and I'm trying really hard not to freak out."

Concern and humor pass over Elle's face as she shifts focus to Kara's hair and steps down off of the stool. "I can see why. This--may I?" She points and waits until Kara nods before touching the tangled mess. "This is definitely category 4 hurricane material." Her tone is serious, but Elle's eyes are dancing lightly in the reflection of the mirror as she pulls a bit at the strands. "So. You've never had a bad hair day?" Crossing her arms, Elle bites a corner of her lip and studies Kara's face.

Kara shrugs with an owlish expression. "My hair is really tough. I've been really lucky. But today, while I was wrestling with--" Kara widens her eyes and licks her lips. "While I was _wrestling_... with my hair...in the shower..." she swallows eyes darting from Elle's red lips to her hands "uh...this happened?"

A look of consternation sits on Elle's face as she crosses her arms. She's completely silent for a moment before pressing her lips together.

"You've never had a bad hair day, but today you were.... wrestling... with your hair. In the shower. And this--" Elle gestures with a few pointed fingers from her crossed arms at Kara's nest "just happened."

"Exactly" Kara says it with a bright smile, seeing Elle's slow understanding nod.

"Mm. Right, okay." Elle takes in a deep breath. "Well, in just taking the briefest moment to consider what the options could be to fix it, I'm seeing 2 scenarios: first option is I experiment on your hair with a variety of chemicals that will have an unknown affect on your hair and possibly your skin while also possibly yanking out hair while trying to comb it out."

Kara nods, waiting for the second.

"The second option is we cut as little as possible and you possibly hate me for the rest of your corporeal life and I hope your species doesn't reincarnate."

Kara barks out a laugh at that. _Cut her hair_. She's been using her heat vision and a mirror to cut her hair while floating upside down since she was 16. _Have fun breaking your scissors._

"Yeah, okay," Kara snorts to Elle.

Elle frowns for a moment and cocks her head to the side, but doesn't question Kara's laughter. "So, Kara," she steps around the chair and leans so her face is close enough that Kara can see the yellow rings around Elle's pupils, "what'll it be?"

"I really don't want to cut it," Kara says slowly.

Elle straightens immediately and claps. "Alright Lyra, you heard the lady. Now fetch me my turbo-quantum-dodeca-hydroxyl-saw!" Elle proclaims with a flourish.

Kara's eyes widen and she looks to Lyra and squeaks "Saw?" This was not mentioned.

Lyra rolls her eyes with a sigh. "Surely not on her first visit?" Her tone is completely flat and Kara isn't sure what is happening.

"Oh, come on," Elle huffs at Lyra, "you have to put heart into it."

Lyra deadpans Elle and sarcastically tilts her head. "Oh no, not the furminator." Lyra's tone remains just as flat.

Elle heaves an exasperated sigh with concerned brow. "Delivery needs a lot of work. Furminator is funny, though" she states with a conceding nod and very attractive protruding lower lip that Kara is staring at intently.

Elle looks back to Kara and her wide grin falls at the blonde's expression. "I'm just kidding" the raven-haired woman assures Kara. "Sometimes I get carried away and my genes really shine through." Her kind eyes flash maniacally when she says "shine" and Kara is beginning to wonder if she really does need to tell Alex to have a tac team on standby in the abandoned east district.

"Oh, okay." Kara relaxes a little.

Elle points over her shoulder. "I'm going to grab the crash cart, give me just a moment." And she's striding through the 2 swinging doors in the back of the room as Lyra is sighing and turning back to her phone at the front desk.

There's a bit of muted clattering in the back room before Elle pushes back through the doors with a really large cart that has _a lot_ of stuff on it.

Kara is noticing beakers, cannisters, tubes, horse brushes, pipettes, leather gloves, galoshes ( _galoshes?_ ), and what really does look like a blowtorch.

Kara raises her eyes and Elle is rubbing her hands together and grinning widely over the cart back at Kara. "So. You said your hair is tough. Are we talking moh's scale of diamond tough or are we talking tensile strength tough?" As the dark-haired woman talks, she is measuring and pouring some chemicals into a container.

Kara's eyes go wide. "I thought we were going to try chemicals first?"

"Oh, we are, darling," Elle assures the blonde and dons large hipster glasses that click together at the bridge of her nose. Kara's heart nearly stops. Elle is quite possibly the sexiest nerd-human she's ever seen in glasses in her entire life. Then the light reflects off a splash mask that Elle is strapping around her head and she's pulling rubber gloves up to her biceps. "I'm just curious. I'm always curious about new people and things." Her voice bounces behind the mask. She gives another bright smile and Kara is as delighted as she is unsure at this point.

Gently, Elle picks up the container and stirs it with a glass stirrer. She sets it down again and unscrews a different wide canister. Reaching to the bottom shelf in the cart, Elle knocks some things over and a dagger with ornate carvings and a purple edge falls out.

"Don't worry about that, that's a ceremonial dagger for cutting hair before battle." Her voice is dismissive as she continues rummaging, eventually ducking down and muttering to herself. "Ah-ha!" She raises an item victoriously before diving into the canister and plopping thick mayonnaise-like stuff into the mixture. Kara stretches her neck to see what she had been searching for. It's a spoon. A regular metal spoon.

Elle's eyes are serious as she stirs, but she's talking Kara through what she's doing. "Okay, Kara, here's the thing. I don't know what your situation is, but I can see you've got hair similar to us other humanoids. This is a protein-laced hydration elixir that I'm going to set in your hair for ten minutes. After those ten minutes, I'm going to attempt to... _wrestle_... your hair loose." Elle glances over, eyebrow flicking up with red lips slightly parted, her face angled above the container in concentration. It's so un-self-conscious that Kara feels her alien heart patter ever-so-quickly.

Kara hums an agreement of understanding and follows instructions to sit at the chair at a basin while Lyra drapes a whispery smock over her body and gently velcros it around Kara's neck. Lyra makes some sort of prayer motion with her hands above Kara's chest and then walks away.

"Good luck, have fun, don't die" Lyra offers blandly.

Eyes widening, Kara swallows and looks from Lyra's retreating back to Elle, who is picking up the ceremonial dagger from the floor and grinning.

Closing her eyes, Kara is praying. Praying that this will work, that everything will be okay, and that her favorite sister will have orders of potstickers and pizza when she gets home. Praying that Elle is, indeed, not a sociopath preying on unsuspecting aliens with hair problems.

Her stomach grumbles loudly and she suppresses a whimper.

"That's quite the hunger, Kara." At this, Kara opens her eyes and wishes she hadn't. Elle is standing over her, changed out of the gloves and face shield. She still has her glasses on and is holding some nitrile gloves. She looks like a sexy doctor and Kara needs a physical.

Kara smiles sheepishly, banishing her intrusive medical thoughts. "I haven't eaten dinner yet and it's been a really long day" she explains.

Tilting her chin up a bit, Elle glances off into the distance and then hums "Oh, it is about supper time." The red lips purse together before she's looking back at Kara, stripping the Kryptonian down to her bones, "Would you like some take out? I can order some while we work."

Tears form in Kara's eyes and she's not sure how to speak again, so she's nodding vigorously. If she's murdered by Elle, at least she'll have died with potstickers in her belly.

Elle sucks in one side of her cheek, lips twisting. "Thai or Chinese?"

"Chinese, please," Kara blurts out. "I need potstickers."

An untamed low laugh erupts from Elle and the superhero is captivated by the sound and the beautiful long arch of her neck. Elle is lowering her gaze back down and looking curiously at Kara as if she is doing another math problem. "Potstickers it is then" her eyes are soft and if Kara weren't so hungry she'd squirm under the gaze.

"Lyra, please put in my usual and order..." she places a hand on Kara's forearm and looks back down at Kara "how many do you need love ?"

Everything that is in contact with Elle is on fire and Kara can't comprehend English anymore. She holds up three fingers and Elle smirks for a fraction of a second. "That many hm?" Elle hums with appreciation.

A hot blush sweeps up Kara's neck as the innuendo dawns on her. "I mean--" Kara croaks, but Elle is already turning away and speaking with Lyra.

"Add three orders of potstickers, two beef and broccoli, and a large fried rice as well."

"I could kiss you." Kara breathes.

This draws a sultry chuckle from Elle as she is patting Kara's forearm, eyebrow raised. "Hold on to your knickers, then darling, I've only just begun."

At this, Kara feels her lower body jelly and chokes out a laugh.

Taking a deep breath and picking up the canister, Elle guides Kara back until her neck is resting on the lip of the hair washing basin. She hums as she adjusts Kara's head and the chair's height. One hand gently lifts Kara's head and the other is sweeping along the back of Kara's neck to gather all the sun-streaked locks into the sink.

Elle leans forward, reaching around Kara's head to sweep the last of the golden hair from Kara's neck, and all but rests her chest on Kara's face. And Kara knows it's her actual chest because there very clearly is no bra between Kara's face and what is softly giving way behind the T-shirt.The familiar sound of plastic and metal being crushed in Kara's grip breaks the quiet of the salon.

Wincing, Kara's eyes shoot open and connect with Elle's. "Sorry?" Kara offers.

A crinkle forms in Elle's brow before the brunette looks down at Kara's hand and stares. Kara is holding her breath, her hand and her arm as still as possible while Elle looks at it. Elle blinks, looking like she's doing mental math again.

"I uh-- work with my hands a lot. But I can pay for the damages" Kara rushes to say.

"I see," the brunette bends over and grabs a waste basket. "Here, you can--" she gestures, waits for Kara to drop the broken pieces in, putting the bin back once the bits thunk inside. "No need to pay for it, this just means I will have to create chairs that hold up to alien strengths." She waves away the incident. "Ready to try the hydration masque?" 

Relieved that Elle isn't pushing the issue, Kara lets out the breath she was holding. "Bring it on," Kara smiles, more confident that Elle thinks of her as just a regular alien.

Five minutes later as Elle begins to massage the tangled mess, Kara feels like coming here was a bad idea. She's trying not to fidget while Elle delves her fingers into Kara's hair. Fingers that have no right to be that humanly good rub circles around Kara's temple and she is communing with Rao. Kara can feel the afternoon's stress melting away as Elle works the substance in and around the knotted bundle. It's simultaneously relaxing and arousing. Not to mention that Elle is pressed against her side.

Lazily, Kara opens her eyes. Elle's face is set in mild concentration, jaw jutting slightly to the side. Her cheeks are slightly pink, Kara guesses it's from using her hands. An unmitigated hum vibrates from the pursed red lips. Another slow intimate swipe at the base of Kara's neck and up her scalp has Kara stiffening. Another hum from Elle, this time in disapproval. The stylist moves closer, as if warning Kara to relax. More and more aware of the soft press of Elle's stomach, Kara fidgets.

The more she stiffens, the more Elle presses close. In between her legs, Kara feels herself getting hotter and needier. Kara is just about at her wit's end with the way Elle keeps pressing against her side and rubbing her scalp when Elle huffs and leans back to glare at Kara, glasses sliding down the bridge of her nose. She bends her head to the side and pushes the frames up with her shoulder. The pale eyes flash. "Relax." Her voice is low and commanding.

Kara clenches her jaw to keep from barking back at Elle that it's easier to relax when there aren't soft tits being pressed up against her face. She decides it's smarter to keep her mouth shut so she takes a deep breath and closes her eyes again. _Rao help her._ It's just boobs. She can handle this. She's freaking Supergirl. She smiles and wills her mind to relax since her body cannot. Looking up innocently to Elle she gives a small smile.

Elle gives a gentle snort of satisfaction and digs her nails into the base of Kara's skull. It elicits a delicious twang low in her belly. The warm tingling in between her thighs increases. Kara sucks her lips between her teeth to keep a whimper from escaping.

If Kara could hold onto her knickers like Elle recommended, she really would be, right this very minute. Elle's scent presses all around her and it's not just that, it's her skin and sweat mixing and giving it a warmer more intimate feel. Her hands and fingers are dexterous, strong, and gentle. She's scraping her nails along the base of Kara's neck and around her temples and the Kryptonian is feeling so turned on and relaxed that she's more confused than she is anything else. But this isn't appropriate, Kara has got to get things back under control.

Maybe she can tune out Elle's touches. She starts doing the math for the conversion rates between Kryptonian temperature and Celsius. Kara squeezes her eyes shut and begins reciting all of the things she first began learning when she came to Earth. Elle's fingers gently knead the mixture into the knot. Kara sighs.

The sun is yellow. Human physics theory is _all_ off. Horses are beautiful creatures. Earth fashion is weird and really fun. Gentle touches start with absolute stillness. Black kitties are the cutest. Puppies should be allowed everywhere. Alex is her favorite most annoying sister. Ice cream is amazing. Chocolate pecan pie is _the best_.

"Kara?" Elle's voice is laced with panic and Kara opens her eyes to see that they're eye to eye because she's floating.

"Oh golly!" Kara exclaims and let's herself fall quickly--and barely controls it in time to not crush it--back onto the chair.

Both women stare wide-eyed at each other a moment. Elle takes a deep breath through flared nostrils and then her face is back to neutral.

"Well then," Elle comments plainly and swallows. "I have finished working the protein into your hair. Let me cap you and we can break for food." 

_Cap her?_ As the intense eyes move over Kara, there's a clang and rustle and Lyra is walking in with an irritated expression and several Chinese takeout bags. Kara's face lights up as a disposable hair cap is pulled from the "crash cart" and Elle's hands deftly have the dirty blonde hair clipped up and fingertips are quickly tucking the last tendrils into place around the edges of the cap.

"There," Elle murmurs, sucking a lip between her teeth as she stares fixedly at something to the right of Kara's face. Kara can smell the Chinese food and she hasn't been this grateful to eat since yesterday when two entire boxes of donuts were left unattended in CatCo's break room.

A quiet "Okay" from Elle has pulled Kara's eyes back as she's rinsing her hands off and drying them. Kara is staring as Elle gently places her palms on the front of her red jeans.

Sexy women in glasses. _Argh._

The three women get settled around station 4 and are opening cartons of warm Chinese food. Kara is trying her best not to super speed eat and her body is simultaneously happy and aggrieved.

Taking a moment to breathe, Kara looks up from shoving the last of the potstickers from the second carton to see Lyra's expression of horror fixated on Kara's mouth. Kara swallows slowly and looks over to Elle, who is slowly picking through her carton, apparently absorbed in her own food.

"Sorry," Kara mutters to Lyra.

"Hm?" Elle looks up curiously eyeing between Lyra and Kara. The green eyes connect with Lyra's and there's a unreadable flash of something across Elle's face. Lyra huffs and focuses on her noodles.

"Well, Kara," Elle breaks the silence "I have to say I haven't seen anything quite like like your hair before." She delicately guides cashew chicken into her mouth. Elle's mannerisms here are very practiced and neat. Kara can't imagine eating so little at a time as Elle's bright red lips purse together while she chews.

Suddenly Elle stops and looks down "Did I get sauce on my face?" She asks self consciously.

Caught staring again, Kara jerks her eyes back up and huffs out a light laugh. "No! I was just curious... um" Kara swallows as Elle watches her intently "curious what you taste--yours tastes like."

An amused eyebrow slowly moves up Elle's face as Lyra rolls her eyes and groans. Kara shoves potstickers from the third carton into her mouth and imagines the ground opening up beneath her.

A piece of chicken is thrust into Kara's peripheral. Looking back up, Elle is holding out a piece in her chopsticks, offering it to Kara. Slowly her lips pull into a knowing smirk, her eyes locked onto Kara's.

"Try some" the dark-haired woman offers. The words twist hotly inside Kara.

But Kara is no chump--just because she's aroused beyond rational means does not mean she will reject food. Her jaw drops open and she carefully snags the food from the chopsticks. Elle's eyes watch Kara's mouth as she chews and Kara feels the heat between her legs roll in on itself. She licks her lips and Elle's eyes track the movement.

"Taste good?" Elle asks.

"Yep." Kara nods and swallows. Maybe this isn't one-sided.

This elicits a hum from Elle who is setting her carton to the side. "I see that you're a fast eater," her eyes move quickly over the empty husks of Chinese containers around Kara. " I'm going to wash up, let me know when you're ready to get back to things."

The delicate lines of Elle's fingers move purposefully as she gathers and tidies things up. Then Elle is gone, shuffling around in the back room and then there's silence. Kara can see Lyra sweeping the floor, but not actually sweeping anything into a dustbin or anything. She is literally just sweeping the floor aimlessly with a broom.

Kara pulls out her phone to check the time and sees that she's received a couple of texts.

**Alex (6:02pm):** Can't do sister's night tonight. Swing by after for a hug, tho. Tell the salon people you have a favorite niece and you let her pretend wash your hair. DO NOT tell them you wrestled a merperson.

**Alex (6:17pm):** Oh, and we ordered Chinese for you, too **  
****Alex (6:17pm):** P.S. Filled Maggie in on the sitch. Says she's excited to see the new butch haircut.

_New butch haircut._ Kara glares at her phone. That's fine, she will focus on the positive.

**Kara (6:31pm):** [three heart emojis] YOU ARE MY FAVORITE SISTER! [three #1 emojis] THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!! **  
****Kara (6:32pm):** Also, I have NOT told anyone I'm Supergirl. SUPER. RUDE.

...Technically, she hasn't told anyone anything. Besides, other aliens can float, too, it's not like Supergirl is the only alien who has powers.

**Kara (6:32pm):** Tell Maggie she's rude and that I think my stylist might be trying to mur-nerd-er me. I am weak. Swoon hipster glasses [glasses emoji fire emoji] **  
****Kara (6:33pm):** On another note, she has a blowtorch and ceremonial dagger on her crash cart???

The back doors swish open and Lena strides out, looking a bit more refreshed and determined. She's got another set of nitrile gloves in one hand and the lab coat flaps open.

_Rao she's still hot,_ Kara thinks as she remembers to smile.

Elle claps her hands and rubs them together as she looks down at Kara.

"Well, let's see what magic I can make today," Elle announces with a flourish of the disposable gloves. After snapping them on, she motions for Kara to lay back and slides her fingers directly into Kara's hair.

At the sensation of Elle's fingers in her hair again, Kara lifts her hands off of the stylist chair and balls her hands against her thighs. No more damage tonight. 

With a low hum and wide-tooth comb procured from the crash cart, Elle begins teasing apart the strands of hair. A few moments later, she huffs happily and smiles at Kara's hair, and Kara sighs.

"If I can keep this up, you won't have to haunt me in your after-life," Elle leans forward as she focuses on the task at hand. Kara immediately begins to relax into the reclined chair now that she's been fed. Elle's scent and hums drift around her and Kara feels her body loosen up and melt into the touch.

There is a sense of peace as Kara lets go, falling into the touch. She's always enjoyed being touched, and this is definitely a touch she likes. Somewhere along the line she must doze off because she's hearing Elle.

"Aaaand it's official: I am a certified magician." 

Kara's eyes squeeze shut at the voice and she inhales deeply with a groan. She shifts, trying to turn over, but there are hands on her shoulder and arm.

"Ungh, Alex, no," Kara whines.

"Oh, hey there sleeping beauty," the voice softens with humor. "Roll back" hands press carefully, pulling Kara back down on to her back. "Once I've got you rinsed you can sleep. Promise."

Half sneering, Kara opens her eyes. Glaring at who she realizes is Elle, the recent events hit her at super speed and she clears her throat and smiles sheepishly. "Oh hey, sorry about--" she motions to herself.

Hands back in Kara's hair, Elle silently chuckles as she turns on the water and adjusts the temperature. After confirming the temperature on her wrist she glances down to Kara's face and smiles softly.

"Don't worry about it." She winks, "You're cute when you snore." Her intense eyes focus on Kara's hair and she's wearing that same expression of concentration. Kara resists shuffling in the chair.

In a surprisingly short amount of time, Kara is cleaned up, her hair is nest-free and softer-than-ever, and she's standing at the register at the front of Kieran Studio.

Looking around, Kara is confused. "Where is Lyra?"

"I sent her home," a wry grin slowly spreads on Elle's face "while you were sleeping."

Kara does not remember any one talking. "Oh, okay." Dumbly, she hands over her credit card.

Elle tilts her head and smiles as if she's being patient with a child. "We already took your credit card information, Kara. We'll email you an invoice and receipt with the information you provided."

"Oh, well, thank you," Kara says, still feeling dumb. She rebounds quickly, "Well, you are a lifesaver." Kara runs a hand through her damp tangle-free locks "Truly. Anytime you want me to sign off on your certified magic license, just let me know."

A wide smile lights up Elle's face. "I will make sure to do that."

Elle bites her lip and a moment of silence draws between them. "Kara--" Elle begins and Kara realizes that she really likes how Elle's mouth shapes over the sound of her name. "Do you have a ride home?"

That is not where Kara had thought Elle was going to go with it.

"No, I don't," she answers honestly because she knows she is going to go home the same way she came here.

A slight uptick in Elle's heartbeat, that Kara is now listening to "Would you like a ride home?" The bright eyes that rendered Kara speechless a little over an hour ago connect again and Kara is about to reply that it won't be necessary, that she doesn't want to impose.

"I would love one," Kara all but chirps immediately and goes to adjust her glasses. Of course, she had taken them off while Elle had been working on her hair--they kept getting in Elle's way so Kara tucked them into her shirt--so she pokes the corner of her eye. As she winces, Elle laughs, her own eyes dancing.

"Let me close up and I'll meet you out front," Elle utters quietly, chin dipping down slightly. 

"Okey dokey," Kara agrees quickly before wincing slightly at herself.

Kara makes her way back to the surface of the city to find dusk pulling up the deeper colors of night. There's a slight breeze and she takes in a deep breath and exhales as she stares up at the sky. 

What a weird day.

Her super hearing picks up the rumble of the warehouse elevator and she waits until Elle is next to her before looking over or saying anything.

Elle bumps next to her, hands in the pockets of a long trench coat that apparently replaced the lab coat. Something seems a bit more formal about her now, a bit more hesitant.

"You give rides to all of the customers who break your salon chairs?" Kara looks over to Elle.

The intense gaze lifts, half-lidded as she peers through her lashes and Kara is suddenly remembering the soft feel of Elle pressed to her side, her quiet humming that trilled along her skin.

A small snort escapes and Elle looks up, matching Kara's previous stance. She works her lips a little, holding a smile at bay. "Yes, I do."

Kara laughs as a car pulls up to the curb and she looks over to Elle, questioning without words.

"Our ride is here," Elle murmurs as she opens the door for Kara.

Kara looks inside and turns back to Elle. "What? No turbo-quantum-dodeca-hydroxyl-saw?"

* * *

A hand is pushing at her shoulder and Kara grunts, burrowing her head in to the soft spot with more determination.

"Ow! Kara!" Elle's husky voice yanks Kara groggily back into consciousness and Kara stops trying to burrow into the bony sternum of Elle. The heel of a palm is rudely shoving Kara up by the left eyeball socket. "That hurts," the woman pushes harder and Kara blinks, raising her face up.

Anger-faced and sleepy-warm, Elle glares at Kara "Your phone won't stop going off."

Kara groans and shoves her face into the pillow as her hand flops outward to slap at the nightstand, tactile-searching for the phone. Finding a corner, she adjusts and grasps the edges, rolling to her back and unlocking the screen. Stupid alarm.

**2 missed calls**

**New messages**

Kara clicks on the message app.

**Alex (7:41pm):** Ceremonial dagger? Why would a hair stylist need a DAGGER? **  
****Alex (7:42pm):** UM HELLO WHY DOES A HAIR STYLIST NEED A DAGGER **  
****Alex (7:45pm):** Text me when you're done at the salon **  
****Alex (7:58pm):** Kara, you better text me back or we're eating your potstickers.

Oops. A pang shoots through her heart as she imagines Alex and Maggie eating all of her potstickers. Well, Alex eating all of her potstickers while Maggie--being the supportive girlfriend--cheers Alex on. Rude. Kara takes a deep breath and clicks on Maggie's message box. 

**Maggie (7:58pm):** Yeah, girl, rock that butch cut, take all the womxns home. **  
****Maggie (7:59pm):** FYI, you owe me for convincing Alex not to drive her skinny ass over there. **  
****Maggie (7:59pm):** yw and gn.

Kara's phone begins buzzing again and Elle groans, rolling away from Kara and sitting up on the other side of the bed and stretching. Eyes tracing down the shape of Elle's back, Kara considers throwing her phone out of the building. Instead, she answers.

"Yes, Alex, I'm up."

_"You didn't message me back yesterday. Maggie made me promise to stop hovering. You owe me."_ A small pause _"You're okay, right? Nothing bad happened?"_

Looking over to Elle as the pale woman yawns and hauls her jeans over her hips, shoving the lacy underwear into her back pocket as the other hand drags through her hair.

"Yes, I'm fine, Alex. I love you, too," Kara says, genuinely touched. Alex is the best, even if she can be over-protective. "I'm sorry I didn't message you back. I got a ride back with Elle and totally crashed. Totally okay."

An ominous pause sways between them and as Kara listens, she realizes she is screwed _"You went straight home without stopping by for potstickers and sister-hug?"_

Crap.

"I ate at the salon," Kara explains. Eyes watching Elle again, Kara scrunches her face, trying to think quickly. As she contemplates asking Elle to leave via fire escape, she hears Alex knocking on the door and it repeats through her phone.

"Crap," Kara mutters out loud and hangs up on her sister. Finding Elle's shirt, she shoves it at the woman and quickly explains "Look, my sister is here and she's really protective of me, but I swear she's a good person and I won't let her hurt you."

At this, Elle's eyes round before her expression shifts into something more stoic. "What do you mean you won't let her hurt me?" There's an edge of fear cutting under Elle's entire demeanor.

Louder pounding on the door has Kara rushing, "Put your shirt on!"

Blinking and shaking her head, muttering, Elle tugs the shirt over her head and looks to Kara for answers, but Kara is already at the door, dressed and hair in a ponytail, opening it with a smile. 

"Alex! Hey!"

Alex strides in, eyes perusing the studio loft before landing on Kara. "You didn't message me back last night and that was shitty."

Kara considers all of the different situations that could have played out today and decided that this was definitely one of the most acceptable, "That was kind of shitty, you're absolutely right." Kara exhales "I'm sorry."

Worry moving through her features, Alex tries to hold out in anger, but can't, her features lightening as she takes in Kara's hair. "Look at your hair! You didn't have to cut it!" Excited hands come up and motion at Kara's ponytail. "This is great! We don't have to worry about explanations for Super--"

Alex's smiling face sticks at the sound and sight of Elle emerging from the bedroom area. The two women freeze, backs stiffening, chins notching up.

Kara hears Elle's heart rate ratchet to a an erratic pounding as her teeth clench.

"Kara," Alex says in a low voice, eyes still locked on Elle, "Tell me why Lena Luthor is in your loft."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This first chapter is--hubris included--one of my favorite writings. It can stand alone and that's great.  
> If you're down for shenanigans and absolute inanity, please continue.  
> I promise it gets worse in a better way.


	2. Side Encounters of the Third Kind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara makes it to Catco on time for her meeting with Cat, and because it's who I am, more crack with a dash of ceiling smut!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoutout to my waif for listening to me narrate all this nonsense out loud. She has spent so much time helping me with feedback and flow. What a hostage. I mean trooper. We're all trapped here together, so she can't escape, but really, she has been a real champ.

* * *

Cat Grant is staring intently at Kara's hair. 

"Ms. Grant --" 

"Bub-bub-bub" the media empress shushes with pen in hand. 

Cat had called Kara into her office first thing, and with a flick of her wrist, bade Kara to follow. Handing Cat a latte for their meeting like she used to, Kara wordlessly follows her boss into the ostentatious office. Cat sips, arranging things on her desk as she dutifully ignores Kara. When the short woman looks up, her eyes flash and she opens her mouth. Then, as if thinking better of it in a classic Cat Grant way, she presses her lips together and begins taking Kara apart with her eyes. 

Which brings Kara to this particularly uncomfortable moment of standing in absolute silence, wondering exactly how much her very intuitive boss could intuit from staring into Kara's inhuman soul. On the very best of days, the woman is intense, and as Kara contemplates turning around so that Cat can give her an even roasting on all sides, Cat huffs. 

Sure, Kara is technically a reporter now, but she still meets with Cat, who is her mentor after all, and she still has to report things.

Kara shifts, purposefully unclenching the hand holding the notepad at her side, and worriedly watches Cat study her. The sharp gaze narrows again at a point above Kara's eyes and the alien takes in a deep breath. Maybe her boss won't find out she's Supergirl and maybe she won't lose her job for disappearing for half of a day yesterday. Kara runs a hand over the ponytail and gives a weak smile. 

"Kie-ra" Cat draws slowly, "I want you to set up an appointment with Justin Trudeau." 

Oh-kay, Kara can work with that, except. That she isn't Cat's assistant anymore.

"Ma'am, do you want me to inform Eve..." Kara motions to her old desk. 

Cat looks at her like she's stupid. 

"Don't be dense, Kie-ra," Cat retorts. "I will interview Justin" she says slowly, explaining as if Kara needs the words slower "and you will shadow me." Cat's eyes soften slightly while narrowing again. "Unless you aren't interested in learning how to interview heads of state." 

"OH!" Heaving the breath she was holding, Kara sighs into the words "Of course, Ms. Grant. Do you have a particular day in mind? The Prime Minister is in --" 

Eyes flash warningly at Kara "I know he's in town next month. Don't patronize me, Kie-ra. Set up the interview. I want that jawline and kind eyes staring out at our readers with our summer launch pride issue. Everyone loves a Canadian, especially one with a delicious backside like that..." Cat's unfocused eyes stare downward slightly, pen pressed against her chin contemplatively. She shakes herself from the mental image. "Make it priority." The droll expression that is far more common on Cat has returned and Kara smiles internally at the decrease in pressure in the room. 

"Now," looking disdainfully at Kara like she has somehow disappointed her, Cat makes the motion with her hands, "shoo." 

Scurrying, Kara briskly walks out and gets to her desk. Pulling up her contacts list and reviewing everyone she knows, she excitedly steps into the elevator. 

The past week has been the best week of her life. She is getting laid as an alien _and_ without having to out herself as Supergirl. (So what that Alex wigged out.) 

_And she's going to interview Justin Trudeau!_ Kara holds herself back from vibrating. 

Picking up the phone, Kara pulls up the phone number for Elle's--or Lena's--salon. Now that she was thinking about it, she hasn't had a change in her hair style in years. 

* * *

The signature pull of consciousness rises - Kara can feel the slight rise in her body temperature, her pulse, the intake of breath; without opening her eyes, she knows where the sun slants through the window, can feel the warm radiation of it set her molecules abuzz. Then she remembers - Elle stayed over again. Biting her lip, she opens her eyes to the bedside table and mentally fist pumps. 

The woman behind her stirs and Kara reins in her excitement. She doesn't want to wake her yet, she wants to see her in the beautiful morning light. Moving cautiously, she rolls over. She looks. 

_There she is._

Hair half in a messy braid, Elle's face is smushed into the pillow, mouth open, wet spot underneath. Chunky strands of the fine hair wrapped around her face at some point and the dark tips feed into Elle's slightly snoring mouth. The beautiful eyes that captivated her and held her in place last night are closed, small crusties daintily silted at their junctures. 

Kara's smile widens. Elle is... not perfect. So beautifully not perfectly human. Reaching out tentatively, eyes fixated, the alien trails a fingertip over a slightly pink cheekbone. At the contact, Elle lightly huffs through her nose and stirs. Kara pauses, waiting. When nothing happens, Kara's finger trails down the aristocratic nose. 

Scrunches along Elle's nose wrinkle the pale skin and Kara delights at the mean-looking face that constricts as Elle opens her eyes angrily. "Unghhh" Elle grunts lowly as she twitches and closes her eyes again. A sneer pushes up her cheeks and her voice is rough, throaty "Are you a weirdo who thinks I look perfect in the morning?" 

Clearly not a morning person, Kara concludes. "You drool," Kara feels her smile widen. "Also, don't be specist. I'm an alien. My standards for romance and perfection are different. It is impossible for you to be perfect. Unless you have studied Krypt...uh-ids. Cryptids." 

Elle clamps her hands over face and groans. Hands rubbing over her features, she makes scary faces as she continues to groan, a prolonged sort of growling moan something like _too damn early_ before rolling onto her back for a yawn and stretch. 

Kryptonians didn't have green in their irises. Kara stares closer even though Elle has stopped to deadpan her. 

"Cryptids." Wiping a hand across her mouth and scraping at the edges to clear crusty bits, Elle stares. 

Lost to the way there are multiple colors and not just shades in Elle's eyes, Kara nods. "Mm," she hums in confirmation. 

"Your alien heritage has mating interests that are similar to Yetis?" Elle has decided to stop thinking and laughs. Kara knows when Elle stops thinking because she can see Elle's eyes soften just a smidge. And Elle chuckles breathlessly, another indicator. 

"Mating interests? Ugh, don't be so diminishing." Kara laughs. "Humans are so narrow-minded. _Mating interests_. What am I to you? An animal?" 

"Kara, you literally told me that studying Cryptids is equivalent to knowing what your culture finds perfect." Elle props herself up sideways on an elbow, unfazed and amused. 

Okay, the human has a point. Kara determines to work on being more careful around Elle. She is really smart and if she really is a Luthor, she could be really dangerous. Looking at Elle, rumpled, pillow creases imprinted on her cheek, and bad breath, Kara keys into her body. No signs of deception. 

Then again, Kara has been fooled before. By her own sister at poker, no less. And that time that her sister worked for the DEO for years and never told Kara. And the entire time that James never told her he was dating someone. Kara mulls over this skill that isn't perfected. Yet. Besides, there are other ways she can ask Elle questions without giving things away. 

"So. Are you really Lena Luthor?" 

Okay, not really subtle. 

Visibly, Elle shuts off, then sighs. "Yes." 

"Oh, okay." The words come out simple because it is simple. "Is that why you go by Elle?" 

Clearing her throat, Elle nods and rolls her eyes. "I'll, uh, grab my things then." 

Slightly confused, but not dumb, Kara watches as Elle gets out of her bed again. "I don't think you're bad, you know." Elle bends over to grab her jeans and hauls them over her ass. Now that Kara is looking, Elle really doesn't have a big butt. Americans like big butts. Or the internet seems to like butts. 

Eyes still contemplating the derriere as Elle turns, Kara is interrupted by Elle's clipped tone.

"Well, consid--were you looking at my ass?" 

"Yes?" Kara responds. "I was just thinking that Americans really like big butts, but you don't have a big butt, but I really like your butt the way it is. It's a little bony, but it's a really nice butt." Kara thinks a moment, "I just said 'butt' a lot." Looking at the front of Elle is just as nice too. 

"And, I mean, you look good in the front, too."

Standing in jeans and a tank, shirt sleeves stretched apart by hands, Elle seems caught between choosing something she doesn't like and another thing she doesn't like. 

"... Do you not hear the words that come out of your mouth?" Scoffing, Elle begins walking away. 

Kara winces. "I do, but--Well, not _butt_ ," Kara shakes her head, "but I like you. As Elle. Or Lena. Whichever. I like you." Elle could have killed her any number of times by now, Kara figures. And why be so nice and give Kara a ride home if she was evil? 

Elle stops at the foot of the bed. Kara's eyes move from the messy hair down to the high waist down to Elle's butt. 

"Are you looking at my ass again?" 

Caught, Kara has no shame. Elle can leave if it makes her feel better. She can stay if it makes her feel better. "Yep." She thinks a bit more. "It's cute. It's a cute butt."

Elle turns, eyes tracking Kara's body before connecting with Kara's eyes. "I like your ass, too." 

Grinning, Kara has an idea "So...since I don't think you're perfect, can you brush your teeth so we can have morning sex?"

Jutting her jaw to the side, Elle rolls her eyes. 

"I will brush my teeth if you fuck me in the air with the strap. And I'll make you breakfast afterward if I can't walk right afterward."

Kara narrows her eyes "What if... I bang you so hard you can't walk?" 

"I'll order in."

Contemplating the start of her weekend, Kara makes a quick calculation. "We should probably rinse off, too."

* * *

Elle is pinned to the ceiling, hair falling around their faces as Kara slowly presses the strap into her. Lena whines, enjoying the toy and the tease, but also wanting to orgasm. For the last who-the-fuck-knows-minutes, Kara has been edging her to the brink of orgasm and then slowing down or stopping, holding her floating prone body tightly. Opening her eyes, Elle looks down at the bed and has vertigo. Instead of being scared, the sensation mixes with her arousal and it makes things worse. Or better? She can't think like this. It's weird to look over Kara's shoulder and see the floor, the tops of lamps and books. It's messing with her head and she feels out of control and it's great.

Groaning again, Elle grips Kara's lower back and tries to move against her. "Please," she moans into Kara's ear. "I am going to come so hard for you."

Kara laughs, hands palmed on the ceiling as her body beneath Elle, thrusts upward again, filling Elle, pinning the woman to the ceiling, and Elle is as disoriented as she is desperate. Hips straining as her thighs squeeze Kara half-heartedly because she is already fucked out, Elle breathes "Please, Kara, please let me--please--"

The low laugh jiggles against her front and Lena could cry, "Kara, fuck--Kara," she pleads. 

Against her ear, Kara whispers, "I'm going to shove my fingers in your mouth and you're going to bite as hard as you can while you come."

Barely registering the words, Kara's fingers jam into her mouth as Kara's hips forcefully hump into her. The gasp turns into a choke as the fingers ram between her teeth, over her tongue. She can't shut her mouth and the digits cram uncomfortably inside. The hot twinge coils tighter as Kara relentlessly pounds, Elle's backbone and shoulder blades chafing on the popcorn ceiling. Hips aching and legs dangling, Elle feels the tingling sensation of her pending orgasm. She tries to swallow, choking on the fingers and her drool slips out over her lips. Slamming her eyes shut, she tries to swallow again, but Kara shoves her fingers in deeper. Coughing, Elle struggles to breathe. Kara's relentless pace continues and Elle knows her back is going to be shot.

"You going to come for me, human?" Kara grunts into Elle's ear. "Come for me," she commands.

As the words vibrate over Elle's skin, Kara angles her hips just slightly and her body begins vibrating. Elle feels used as Kara fills her mouth and her pussy, and her orgasm rips through her body as paint bits crumble down and Elle screams, then chokes, lips stretched by Kara's fingers covered in spit. She bites down hard, unconsciously clenching her jaws as the white-heat pours through her vibrating body. 

The rhythm persists, and Elle's brain feels numb. She reached her peak, but the alien is still going.

"You ca- -op," Elle tries around the digits. 

Kara breathes in her ear and bites her neck, "But I won't."

At this, Kara pulls back and rams harder into Elle, pushing the breath out of her body. Kara adjusts her hand, removing her fingers, and Elle feels the loss of them immediately as spit falls down somewhere below.

"Fuck." Elle can't think and she can't feel her toes, either. She was satisfied with the last orgasm and she doesn't know if she can keep going. It isn't like this was the only orgasm either of them had had. 

"I --don't," she gets out "I can't--"

The vibrating intensifies along Elle's entire body and without a conscious thought as to what is happening, she yells as she is coming again. Of its own accord, Elle's body convulses, her mind unable to keep up.

Kara laughs and then grunts, clearly beginning to feel her own orgasm build. The idea of Kara coming flicks something on in Elle's brain.

Elle writhes, but is trapped. As if sensing the struggle, Kara grabs her hips tighter and floats down fast. The lack of pressing sensation throws Elle, her mind spins dizzily. Kara holding her in place is hot and she's honestly surprised the oblivious woman has it in her to be so dominant. 

Another grunt in Elle's ear and Kara's body shivering underneath signal that Kara is close to coming and it's possibly the newest biggest turn on Elle has experienced in the last week. Her own arousal ramps up and suddenly she comes again, the spike shooting through her, the uncontrollable explosion rippling out from her bones. 

Kara's body is gyrating against and under Elle and her lips are sucking her breath and her hands are holding her down, and Elle cries out, hands scrabbling at the muscled shoulders as her body's cells split apart on the atomic level and she unravels.

Vision widening and breath returning, they share the aftershocks of their orgasms, bodies twitching, rolling slightly as the human is held firmly in place on Kara's lap. Sweating, they take deep lung fills of air, heads resting on chest and head respectively. 

_What the hell was that._

Fucking hell. Feeling Kara come inside of her is now the most intense and amazing sexual experience she has had yet. Taking inventory that her body still in one piece, Elle counts this as a success. Eyes tracking the room, she feels light, good. Is there a pheromone that syncs sexual arousal for Kryptonians? Is that what that was? 

Oh, and yeah, speaking of Kryptonians, she fucked Supergirl again. _Again_ again. 

What was it Chomsky said about repetition and meaning? 

Listening to the woman--who literally fucked her against the ceiling for a second time--regain her breath, Elle realizes how crazy this is. 

Supergirl fucked her. Supergirl _wanted_ to fuck her. 

Shifting, Kara pulls Elle up from her lap and that's when the lower part of her back twinges sharply and the sting of the scrapes swells into her consciousness. 

_Ow it hurts_. 

Wincing, she realizes Supergirl threw out her back. 

Perforce, the manic laughter erupts from her lips despite the pain. 

Supergirl. Threw out. Lena fucking Luthor's. Back. 

Next to her, Kara wince-grins in confusion and Elle laughs harder. 

And to top it all off, the alien doesn't even realize that Elle knows she is Supergirl. 

Her laughter doubles and she is now struggling for air around the irony of it all. Chest aching, back broken, Elle can't help it. 

* * *

(Preview next chapter)

_Lena-as-she-lives-and-breathes-goddamn-Luthor._

Letting up on the throttle, Alex coasts the bike along Pacific Ave as she curses her luck. The last Luthor neither incarcerated nor killed, living on the outskirts of the very town Lillian tried to raze and running a business centered around aliens? And that business just so happens to be a salon that Kara went to? Sardonic laughter she can't help bursts from Alex's mouth and bounces in the helmet as she checks blind spots and picks a place to park. A Luthor, doing business with aliens--not a red flag at all. Nope, nothing untoward about Lena Luthor discussing alien physiology and taking notes and making money off of the entire situation. 

And of course Kara had no clue that this woman was a Luthor. Alex could shoot something. She could shoot _someone_ named Lena Luthor. 

Why, of all the aliens who have landed on Earth over the last millenia, had her family been the one to get Kara? Why couldn't her pod have arrived twenty years ago? Landed in Uruguay or Australia or somewhere else? Why did her mother have to be the leading xenobiologist at the time? Why did her dad have to be a DEO agent who was friends with Clark? They could have fostered any number of aliens. It wasn't like there aren't aliens of all types who don't have the physiological and intellectual advantages of assimilating as easily as Kara. Kara, the only Kryptonian alien who could not be bothered to keep up on intel regarding a family of _murdering psychopaths_ that nearly killed Clark, tried to take over government, and laid siege to the city. Oh, and yeah, the same family that has a vendetta against all Kryptonians.

Alex did not survive Lillian's hell-scape CADMUS attack last year just for her dumb alien sister to _invite_ Luthor spawn into her apartment to bump uglies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you like the idea of Alex and Lena having a show-down in the salon, guess what?! That's totally happening next chapter. I have tried to put as many star trek and other scifi items into the fight, so if you like scifi, you'll have to let me know what you think -- did I do okay or did I miss some amazing weapons?
> 
> I know there are Lena shippers who cannot fathom Lena being in a fight, so skip next chapter if that's you. 
> 
> If this chapter wasn't much to your taste, hang in here! I promise there is more crack coming, including a lab appointment. MORE SCIENCE AWAITS!


	3. Showdown at the Salon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex finds Lena.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> strap your queer asses up, my priddies, it's about to get crazy.  
> More crack, more sci-fi refs, and 200% more tazing.  
> TWs in the endnotes.

**_Lena-as-she-lives-and-breathes-goddamn-Luthor._ **

Letting up on the throttle, Alex coasts the bike along Pacific Ave as she curses her luck. The last Luthor neither incarcerated nor killed, living on the outskirts of the very town Lillian tried to raze and running a business centered around aliens? And that business just so happens to be a salon that Kara went to? Sardonic laughter she can't help bursts from Alex and bounces in the helmet as she checks blind spots and picks a place to park. A Luthor, doing business with aliens--not a red flag at all. Nope, nothing untoward about Lena Luthor discussing alien physiology and taking notes and making money off of the entire situation.

And of course Kara had no clue that this woman was a Luthor when she took her home. And now that Kara knows, she's still...Snarling, Alex could shoot something. She could shoot _someone_ named Lena Luthor.

Why, of all the aliens who have landed on Earth over the last millenia, had her family been the one to get Kara? Why couldn't her pod have arrived twenty years ago? Landed in Uruguay or Australia? Why did her mother have to be the leading xenobiologist and doctor? Why did her dad have to literally be a DEO agent friends with Clark? They could have fostered any number of aliens. It wasn't like there aren't aliens of all types who don't have physiological and intellectual advantages of assimilating that Kara has. Kara who--despite these advantages--is the only Kryptonian alien who could not be bothered to keep up on intel regarding a xenocidal family of psychopaths that tried to kill Clark, tried to take over government, and tried to take over the city. Oh, and yeah, the same psychopaths that have a vendetta against all Kryptonians.

Alex did not survive Lillian's hell-scape CADMUS attack last year just for her dumb alien sister to _invite_ Luthor spawn into her apartment to bump uglies. She did not spend the greater part of a year tracking, researching, investigating--and not getting laid--to stop terrorists only for her work to be completely undone because of Kara's weird dorky alien sex-appeal that apparently _does_ something to people. 

At this, an intrusive thought slices through grey matter: **imagine a world where Luthors don't have raging hardons for Supers**.

Alex flashes back to seeing Kara make moon eyes at the last Luthor. Goddamn useless queers. Now she's fuming again, eyes glaring at the empty business district, thinking of Kara's dismissal two weeks ago (" _Alex, Elle--Lena--whoever she is--isn't bad! Just because she's a Luthor--and you don't know that for certain--doesn't mean she's evil! And also, this is my apartment and my bedroom. Now if you excuse me, I am going to go to work because I have a job. You know, that thing that you should also be at right now_."), Alex skillfully yanks her bike to the side, drops to neutral, and jams the kick stand down with her heel. Fine. She'll go to Lena's stupid salon, find evidence of Lena _Luthoring_ up the place, and then show Kara that she does not want to mess around with the woman. Supergirl stays safe, Lena gets tossed aside, life goes back to being easy. Well, easi _er_.

Setting the wheel and lean, she looks around at the abandoned warehouses. Does the woman get a discount when she stays true to the villain aesthetic? Do they have incentive points? God forbid a Luthor not maintain brand. Noting surveillance equipment, she huffs. Those cameras are only the ones that she can see--she knows from experience that Lena has a lot more tech that cannot be detected. As much as she hates the Luthors, they are geniuses. Too fucking genius, really. Can't do anything simply, ever. It's like they have this genetic compulsion to grandstand, preen, and soapbox as they squelch lower and lower into the quagmire of their paranoid xenophobic hatred. 

Alex's feet pound the pavement as she stalks to what Nia said is the salon entrance. God forbid an alien from an entirely different galaxy from an advanced civilization be smarter than a Luthor.

Fucking Luthor ego is going to bring a goddamn apocalypse.

* * *

The figure on the screen feed glares up at the northwest camera and Elle takes a sip from the glittery rose-gold tumbler. Hm. Nice foam. 

"That's mine."

Elle locks eyes with ice blue orbs and slurps again, deducing that it's one of Lyra's caramelly macchiatto things she gets from a couple streets down. Elle loves playing the part of pretentious snob, but not usually with her coffee. Secretly she wants to be a hipster, feels like it is her true calling, but the reality is she is simultaneously too busy and too ensconced in her own ennui to give a single fuck.

Besides, who enjoys getting all up in their feelings over coffee? The incense some people dedicate to Starbucks seems wasteful. Then again her brother murdered people trying to kill Superman and her mother attacked National City because, ya know, _Aliens_ , she thinks in the voice of Giorgio A. Tsoukalos. But maybe, just maybe, as the national survivor and resident expert on crazy family, she _is_ exactly the kind of person who has the ability to judge wasteful hate. 

Aliens aside, Elle briefly contemplates who should win the real war: hipsters or Starbucks? Ignoring Lyra's angry face, Elle weighs the long-term pros and cons of each while nibbling her lower lip. She takes another sip. The foam _is_ really well done. She can't remember the last time she got great head from a hipster without having a lecture on global capitalism or climate change first. Honestly. 

Lyra's pale cheeks deepen a shade bluer at her mounting ire, and the alien carefully grabs the sparkly tumbler of liquid sugar-coffee from Elle's loose grip. There's a cough from inside the salon--a woman with forehead ridges and intense dark eyes is waiting for Lena to report back to her about trading crystals of some sort, remarking that she could replicate almost anything Lena could possibly need. Whatever the fuck _replicate_ means. Lena knows what she wants it to mean and it seems the high-strung uniformed woman hasn't had a good time in a while, but a uniform also usually means standards and paperwork. And she is not about paperwork.

"Maybe try sweeping crap up from the floor next time." Elle tries deflecting with Lyra.

"Maybe try not sleeping with every hot alien that comes in," Lyra retorts.

"Whatever," Elle sighs, bored already.

But this macchiatto isn't why the two women are in the back office staring at the security screens with Winn.

"Who is that?" the cardigan-wearing handsome troll asks, finger pointing to one Alexandra Danvers of the DEO still glaring ominously up at them. "Is that Alex?" Winn's frequency ramps up and him physically cowering at a screen has her lip curling up in disdain. _Winn knows Agent Danvers?_

"Yes. That's Agent Danvers. She'll say she's FBI. Or CIA." Of course, Elle could take control of the situation and go outside to chat with Alex, but she really doesn't want to do that. The woman can be...intense.

She doesn't have any regrets. She went home with Supergirl more than once in the last two weeks and they had done so many nasty things to each other that Elle hasn't felt more smug and accomplished since she set up Lillian during last year's siege. It didn't matter that after the siege she had been detained for a month by the DEO, held without any due process, no habeus corpus, no miranda rights. Shit-grinning through all of the interrogations, Elle was virtually on cloud nine with Lex already dead and Lillian dumb enough to get caught; no amount of Target-purchased cologne on scary-sexy-bitch-face Agent Danvers was going to intimidate her or get her to confess to shit. She single-handedly out-smarted Lillian without alerting anyone to the fact that every piece of evidence the DEO had on file came from her.

She may not have had any dealings with CADMUS or her mother, but she was not interested in the paperwork and legal proceedings that come with providing evidence directly. After Lex's and her mother's first trials, she learned her lesson and decided she wasn't playing puppet for the legal side ever again. Not if she could help it. The government sucked at keeping witnesses safe and she really hated being cloistered away during trials because her family wanted to murder her for being--righteous or not--a snitch. No one likes a goodie-two-shoes or tattle-tail. She sneers at the fact that she had testified, even if it was the 'the right thing to do, Ms. Luthor.' She doesn't really blame Lex for trying to kill her, she gets it.

But when round three came calling for Lillian, she was not exactly looking to be an active participant. Being targeted because she's a Luthor? Been there. Being targeted by her own family? Done that.

Elle hadn't done anything explicitly wrong. Sure, she made kryptonite on occasion, but anyone with half her skill set could do it. Well, that's a half-truth--there aren't many people on Earth who have half her skill set. Or resources. Elle is probably one of two women who can make it, and she put the other bitch in jail. Which means it's just her and that asshat who redK'ed Supergirl. Wherever that moldy sock of a human went.

Which by the way, who the fuck redK's a super without having five back-up plans for each day of the week? Amateur. Being genius and philanthropic means earning your honorary eagle scout. It doesn't mean showing up to scouts late and without practicing your knots. It means you are always prepared because it's only a matter of time until the government or your psycho relative fucks things up. Always: tie up the loose ends.

There is a vague persistent headache thrumming in the back of her head and Elle feels a pout that she ruthlessly tampers into a diffident sneer. Instead, she sighs. After all, she willingly straddled Supergirl's face with a command to eat her pussy until she came on the side wall. The alien twisted into a 69 position to do just that, grinding into Elle's mouth, humping her skull--up against the wall until they were back on the ceiling--so thoroughly rocking Elle's face that the neighbors upstairs stomped back with shouts to keep things down. She'll take a borderline head injury from great sex most days.

While Elle is sure she doesn't have any regrets, _maybe_ she can acknowledge it was not her most intelligent move to go home with Supergirl. Which had not been difficult to figure out. It was obvious from the moment the oblivious blonde mentioned she "wrestled" with her own hair. The fight had been on the news, the news was on the salon TV when Kara arrived. Kara must be a special kind of alien, outside of the powers, to believe people were so oblivious.

On top of that, the alien broke the chair, glowed her eyes orange when Lena all but motorboated her, she _floated_ for crissakes, and--oh yeah--she ate four portions of Chinese in spite of Lyra's disgust. Yes, Elle had known the woman was Supergirl and Lena chose to walk right into this mess.

But she just couldn't resist: the idea of Lex rolling in his grave and Lillian's subsequent aneurysm exploding through an eyeball were just too much. (She's still contemplating how to get Kara take a selfie while she's muff-deep in Supergirl's skirt.)

And then there was the actual woman who had been so close to tears upon arriving. Bumbling and eyeing her up in her own salon with those wide open blues and broad smile... and Elle folded like a bad poker hand. She still cannot fathom how she had been unable to resist when she usually doesn't bother with blondes. Or blue eyes. And in looking back, it wasn't like Kara was especially special. Minus the whole Supergirl aspect, of course.

And how the hell was she to predict Kara's relation to Agent Danvers? Sure, they had the same last name, but Kara came to her as an alien needing help with her hair, not as a human. It wasn't an entirely uncommon name. It wasn't like the human cover for Supergirl meant that an agent with the same name was actually connected to her somehow. For all Elle knew, it was a completely fake name provided on the form--most clients prefer not disclosing their human covers and Elle never asks for identification. For all she knew, Kara had been just another alien down on her luck when it came to the hair department and had given her a false name.

But that isn't what happened. And here Elle and crew are, two high-school rejects and one disaffected alien, sitting in the back office staring at one DEO agent staring up at one camera.

Adopting her best put-upon tone, Elle flips a switch over Winn's shoulder "Would you like an invitation, Agent?"

On screen, Alex twitches at the sound from hidden speakers and looks over her shoulder before glaring up at the same camera again. Elle has to hand it to the woman--she still looks like a bad bitch in that motorcycle gear. Too bad she had been closeted during Elle's interrogation. They could have done so much more together in those rooms.

"The door is open. Or would you like me to send my butler?" Elle drawls. 

The door isn't open, it is never unlocked. She wants Alex to try the door.

"How, uh, do you know Alex?" Winn asks over his shoulder. "You said you only know three types of people--"

Alex doesn't move, so Elle interrupts Winn. "Go to the cafe. Get her a medium Americano with four sugars in the raw with whipped cream on top. Be the nice guy and let her in, yeah?"

"I..." Winn gulps and looks back to the screen. "I don't know, Alex looks _mad_."

Rolling her eyes, Elle huffs at the obvious "That's because she is mad. But don't worry. You're nice and if you're nice to her, she'll be nice to you." Mentally, she is already clocking that Winn already knows Alex Danvers and that they will be a conversation about that another time.

* * *

"FUCKING HELL, LUTHOR." Alex shields herself with Winn as a beaker of blue liquid crashes at his feet. He squeals and rears back, causing Alex to stumble sideways.

"I go by Elle, now!" she shouts back.

"I don't care if you've been anointed by the fucking Dalai Lama--you're still Lena Luthor" Alex sneers and wipes a gun-toting wrist across her face.

Okay so maybe now Elle is beginning to regret her decision to have sex with Kara. Pulling up from the lower shelf on the crash cart, Elle finds a block of beeswax and throws it at the agent. 

It goes wide by three feet as Alex sprints behind the cash register for better cover. The face of disappointment on the agent's face has her gut heating up. It's not like Elle is the one who is a secret government agent, okay? She's a glorified hair dresser trying to avoid being outed as a Luthor, it's not like she is required to do back bends or push-ups. 

The blue liquid smokes a little and the smell of rice and blueberries fills the air. That compound took three weeks to prep. If Agent Danvers doesn't stop messing around, Elle is going to have to take care of things her way.

Crouched behind a salon chair next to her crash cart, she tries to rationalize that no, she hadn't planned on any of this--on having Kara at her fingertips, finding her alluring, her being sisters with the DEO agent who interrogated her for weeks on end and that sister would come to her salon and throw her weight around like a newly badged field agent.

Elle prides herself on thinking things through a bit more, but maybe she has become lazy in the last couple years of not directly running L-Corp. Maybe she's losing her edge. Maybe this is the dumb shit that happens to her when she tries to let go and enjoy herself every once in a while.

Then again, why would Agent Danvers even come to mind when encountering Supergirl? Taking a deep calming breath a thought burbles up the conscious-stream: This _... blows_.

It would have been one thing had Alex shown up and been red-faced yelling and in control. It was a whole other cookie for Alex to show up hostage-style with Winn's collar in her fist, yelling at Elle in front of the hot chick trying to score some woo-woo energy crystals, and then wave her alien weapon in Elle's face.

Oh no, that is not how the cookie is going to crumble in her own studio. They aren't on DEO property and Elle isn't humoring anyone. No, no ma'am, Elle isn't having it, so here they are, actually going at it in the salon as Elle is fending off Alex with anything in reach on the crash cart--hair dye, beakers, whatever she can get her hands on.

Elle grabs the closest thing--the ceremonial dagger--and holds it up with both hands as Alex fires off a white-flash-round of whatever it is that her alien gun shoots. The flash bounces off of the dagger with a hot jolt and Elle drops it, palms burning and vibrating painfully as she hisses. Eyes round, Elle glares at Alex--that had been centimeters from her face. What is this woman trying to do? Kill her? Swallowing at the glower from across the counter, Elle quickly dips back down to the cart to look for a better defense or something paralytic.

Looking up again at the sound of a shuffle, Alex is pressing the advantage to charge and shoulders into her before wrapping an arm around her neck. Elle barely has time to get a hand under the triangle hold to keep from being choked out when Lyra proves her worth with a devastatingly accurate spray to Alex's eyeballs with the hair wash station sprayer. It startles the contemptibly cute and wiry agent enough for Elle to ram her elbow repeatedly into her ribs, making Alex grunt and lose her grip as Elle fumbles away and kicks Alex backward.

Surprising herself, Elle gets the blowtorch up and fussing out steady flames as Alex reaches for her. With a hiss of her own at the burn, Alex's expertly trained reflexes pull her hands back and she's grabbing Winn off from the floor and dragging the whimpering man back to the register counter. _When had Winn been on the floor?_

"Come on, Luthor, you know there's no way outta here," Alex taunts.

Ducked behind a salon chair that hasn't been charred by Alex's gun, Elle rummages through the cart with one hand, the other maintaining the blow torch.

"Yeah, well, pardon me for not being _hunky-dory_ while you take Winn hostage and shoot up my salon. Have you considered putting your gun away and just _yelling_ at me? I mean--" Elle seriously cannot fathom what Agent Danvers' goal was in coming down to the salon like this. Fucking DEO assholes shit on everything and have the nerve to ask her to be polite. Elle has met psychos with more restraint. _And why the fuck can't she find the paralytic agent for Andorian scalp treatments?_

"Why would I bother using words with a Luthor? It's not like you people even know how to have a genuine emotion." Alex yanks the cardigan and Winn grimaces.

Poor guy. He doesn't deserve being treated like this. She really ought to stop blackmailing him into being her IT guy. Then again he had hacked into L-Corp's servers and downloaded some of her prototype blueprints for anti-grav isometric-phaser banks. Mm, maybe she'll start giving him monthly bonuses _and_ keep blackmailing him. Win-win, right? Or should she say Winn-win?

A blast right over her head jolts her back to reality and to taking better cover. Alex has let Winn go and is sipping on the coffee he had stubbornly held on to while she hauled his ass down to the studio. Let it never be said that Winn Schott Jr. couldn't pull through in an emergency, even for his kidnapper. What a trooper. What a good bottom.

And wait just a minute-- _You people_? What is _that_ supposed to mean? 

"What is that supposed to mean?" she yells back.

Where is that vibrating pen that what's-er-face left last time she was here? As she's sifting through the crash cart for non-lethal items and chemicals, Elle really wishes she could be a shittier person on days like today. If she were Lillian, she'd have already set off the fire sprinklers system and thrown a sodium grenade, deucing out the back with a smarmy _You disappoint me_.

But Elle honestly just wants to get back to her studio and relative obscurity. It's nice being a nobody. -- _AH-HA! Here's the stick-thing Whit-person had used on her security cameras_ \--Hardly anyone even knows her last name, no one she meets even cares about her last name, she goes to farmer's markets on occasion, and she gets laid almost any time she wants. Literally. Without having to hire anyone to keep their mouth shut.

Literally. It's been real nice not being recognized.

Fingers fumbling on the hardcore-looking-vibrator, Elle frantically tries to activate it. She shakes it like a can of Reddi-whip, lip curled up as she struggles to figure it out.

"It _means_ that there's no such thing as a good Luthor" the government agent retorts.

Scoffing, Elle stands up-- _WHITAKER THAT WAS HER NAME_ \--with Whitaker's vibrator in hand. How many degrees and certifications does she have to her name and she can't even figure out one doohickey? "Oh, don't be so dramatic," she gestures and suddenly the implement shoots off, emitting some kind of sound wave that crashes over Alex's head.

Parts of the suspended ceiling break off and dust falls over Danvers's head. Jaw dropped, Elle's round eyes connect with Alex's as she rises from a crouch.

"ARE YOU SERIOUS?" If she had thought the agent looked pissed before, she was mistaken--the short-haired dyke is now furious.

Hands shaking, the vibrator slips from her grip and Elle takes in a breath. She almost cows to the sheer rage on the woman's face before she realizes that she's _already_ been shot at with an alien gun _multiple times_ \--so you know what?--That was totally fair.

"We can stop anytime! I'm not the one who came in here like a jackass!" Elle shouts back angrily, letting the emotion overtake her thoughts as she ducks back down, trying to avoid getting shot in the teeth by Alex's return fire.

Taking in a deep breath and holding it, Elle feels irritation spike in her veins. As it grows, Elle feels the satisfaction of the heat spreading through her and she smiles at the ideas coming to mind. This is bad and it's bad because when she's irritated, she tends to do dumbshit things just to get through the moment--but it doesn't feel bad anymore. Now she feels truly pissed and it is sweet between the clench of her molars. 

Riffling through the cart, she can't find the flashbomb she made last month. _It should be here_ , she glances up to make sure the DEO agent from hell is still in place. Her fingers graze the edge of the handle of the bomb and she could thank Grabthar's hammer. Grabbing the handle of it more securely she pulls it up. As her hand raises to ward off Alex, the weight is off and she looks down at a metal spoon--a big, regular, metal spoon--not the handle of the bomb.

FAN-FUCK-TASTIC she growls beyond frustrated, throwing it at Alex who is taking aim and discharging her gun. Following the line of sight from Alex's smirk to the cart, Elle's gut drops. There are 3 containers that are going to ignite from the heat, at the very least.

"Oh shitfu--" wide-eyed, Elle dives to the side as the cart explodes backward with a sizzling menacing flash of white, orange, and enveloping purple. Scrabbling to her feet, Elle runs for the counter as Alex yells at her to _stay still and let me shoot you in your goddamn pretty face_ and Elle's fingers are dashing over the keys as she's verbally commanding _Activate emergency quarantine protocol D4YM L3ZB1UN_. She crashes into the counter, trying to follow up with the authorization codes in the laptop. Looking over her shoulder, the cart is all but swallowed in purpley-orange flames and she knows that the canister with the paralytic hasn't lost integrity yet because they aren't riding a mushroom cloud.

Alex pushes at her, yelling something stupid and angry, and all Elle thinks to do in that moment is to jab the tazer from under the counter into her ribs. Alex's eyes shudder open and she lurches back twitching like the electrified human she is, finally leaving Elle to finish the emergency sequence with a few authorized keystrokes.

Taking a last look at the bubbling canister about to burst, Elle shoves Winn and Lyra toward the hallway where the crystal woman is already waving them through. Alex, on the floor, face engraved with rage is trying to pull out her cuffs.

"Arrest me later--GO NOW" Elle yells, turns Alex around and tries to shove her toward the exit as the lights flip to a flashing red with a buzzing siren she can feel in her eyeballs. _Thank_ _physics_ Elle thinks when the chemical retardant releases from the ceiling above and a force field activates a split second before the cart explodes. The force of the blow--through containment--throws both of them forward and she is pushed on top of Alex, shielding the agent with her body as heat and debris goes flying over them and the ground shakes. 

As the ground stops tremoring, Elle heaves giant breaths. They're all alive. Never again is she requiring double-authorization for emergency protocols. 

If her shoes are scorched, Elle is going to poison Alexandra Danvers. Underneath her, Alex starts shoving at Elle, one hand smashing a tit as she pushes up at her.

"OW-The fuck--" _what the **hell** is with Danvers women smashing her tits_? Elle rolls off, contemplating eye-for-an-eye with the tazer she shoved into her pocket. Eyes tracking to the approximate location of a nipple, Elle could jam it right--

* * *

(preview for the next go-round!)

The computer chirps at finishing a download and she sends off the copy of her article to Snapper. She had wrapped up the last of her interviews early this morning in a motivated fit of inspiration, and sighing contentedly, she glances over to a face-down Nia Nal.

She really is such an adorable half-human. 

Unable to chat with anyone directly, Kara pulls out her phone and messages Elle that she is done early and will bring lunch. Dropping the phone in her bag with a grin, she struts out of the bullpen to head out to the park. She can get started on interviews for next week's article if she leaves early enough.

Pushing through the front doors, gorgeous sunny skies greet her. The happy woman takes in a deep breath and exhales. Going to Noonan's, the biggest priority occupying her cerebral cortex is the battle between a bear claw and a berry crumble coffee cake. As she picks up one of each, _maybe she'll visit Elle before lunch_ , she feels the ground tremor and then hears some kind of explosion.

Running out, bag in hand, Kara is already taking to the skies when J'onn begins talking in her ear.

* _We've got a situation at 34th and Pacific Ave, Supergirl. Proceed with caution, there could be radiation*_

"What? At 34th and Pac Ave? Are you sure?"

* _Yes. We've dispatched a team, but be advised that you're walking in blind. TAC team ETA is 7 minutes.*_

Confused, Kara decides this is not the time to bring up that is the exact location of her newest hairdresser's business. "Got it. Will keep you posted." 

Landing outside, she can hear and see people running up a stairwell. As they burst out of the side of the building, she flies over--"Winn? Lyra?" She stops immediately to check on them and smiles at an alien warily eyeing them, hand on a clunky cell phone cradled on her hip. Must be new, but helping her will have to wait.

Her best friend grins like he farted and doesn't want her to know. "Heeey, Kara."

"What happened?" she urges.

His usually bright smile sticks into a frown "Alex and Lena are still down there--" his eyes worry and he looks like he is still terrified.

"I'm on it! I'll get them!" she asserts as she bursts down through the stairwell, slamming the door against the opposite wall. 

"Alex! Elle!"

Finding the two on the ground and the debris around them, Kara's stomach drops. Alex is struggling to get up and Elle half reclined, hand in a pocket. Looking around, the place looks like it has been bombed.

"What happened?!" she exclaims.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for threats against Lena Luthor and violence. As implied by the title and me calling it crazy, Alex and Lena have a shootout. This crack-chapter consists of Alex being an irrational asshat who shoots at Lena and Lena capably handling herself and being violent herself. If that's not cool for you, please skip this chapter.  
> \---  
> Surprisingly enough, ya'll, this isn't everything. I have primo crack involving Maggie, back-story reveals, and more supercorp trash. :3


	4. Shrodinger's Luthor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara gets a wedgie and actually does a think. Lena's layers might not stay hidden for much longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The long-awaited next chapter of ridiculousness has returned! And despite my every attempt to keep this as cracked as possible, I'm creating plot? Eugh. Don't worry about that, though. I'll figure out how to fix that somewhere in the next chapter or so.  
> And as much as I love smut, there's none in this chapter. You'll have to read previous chapters for that, my priddies.  
> (Or try reading my You Look Chipper fic. Not SC, but definitely smuttastic.)  
> Also, I don't have a beta, so enjoy all my mistakes, too. Because those--those are definitely all mine, bitches.

* * *

The rain didn't really weigh Kara down, but it did seep into places and make things uncomfortable. Her buttcrack, for example, is scarfing down (up?) on her undies like a koala going ham on eucalyptus as she superspeeds the bomb out of the warehouse. After launching into the sky and redirecting her flight three times due to a flock of a construction crane, a biplane, and seagulls, respectively, Kara is beginning to feel a tad like Adam West. 

Banking around the neck of the crane, she shoots straight up and spins emphatically to throw the bomb hard. She calculates the force and distance of the bomb to determine a safe distance as it rockets further away. Ticking the seconds, she reaches an acceptable risk profile and heat visions the explosive. 

The reddish lines cut through the sky silently and impact the bomb. There is a quiet distant hiss at impact then bright blue misty waves burst upward, a cerulean comet streaking out of the atmosphere and away from National City. With a sigh, Kara cues into the voice in her ear telling her to report back for debriefing. 

She twitches her hips. It is supposed to be a good thing that the suit is effective at holding things in place. 

Grabbing at the material cranked up her butt, Kara pulls, trying to alleviate the super wedgie. The twisted panties are dislodged from the depths, but remain uncomfortably bunched over her crack as she dives. When she flies around a corner, the wedgie is back and she hurriedly flies up to a rooftop to pull it out again. As she digs and pulls, she realizes she must have torn the fabric the last time, and when she groans and looks up, there's a butch at a grill, wearing a flamingo shirt.

"Nice, uh, shirt," Kara tries to play it off, stretching her arms upward.

The black woman shit grins. "I usually go for boy shorts or actual trunks. Fuck the gender norm."

Feeling absurdly embarrassed, Kara purses her lips and nods. "Yeah, might have to try that. Thanks," she nods again as she speaks, then thumbs over her shoulder, "Well, I gotta go, so, yeah. Bye."

Okay, so it's been a rather shit week, wedgie aside (pun intended): Alex going apeshit on Elle, Elle's salon nearly blowing up, Alex being suspended.

When Hank had held out his hand, Alex unclipped the gun from its holster, and glared at Kara. She's near impervious, but Alex's eyes were a wrathful inferno of Rao, burning Kara straight through her soul. She really doesn't understand Alex's problem.

It was scary. 

And truthfully, Alex being suspended is as equally annoying as it is scary and is the one of the most frustrating things to ever occur because now Alex has an _indefinite_ amount of time to bother Kara. And Kara is familiar with annoying happenstances--she has sat in high school and college cafeterias with super hearing. 

(Cafeterias with food _rocked._ Cafeterias with humans _sucked_. It wasn't the gossiping--it was the open-mouth chewing and closed-mouth chewing, and honestly, humans fart way too much while they eat to be classified as anything except gross. And the acapella groups would have been okay if she hadn't been able to detect their wavering refrains and rhythms. Some days she joined them simply to sing over their mistakes. But again--why did all of that have to happen at the cafeteria? Nothing about human cafeteria culture made sense.) 

The point is that on top of having to prepare for Prime Minister Trudeau's visit, she is also having to deal with her sister being suspended for the first time and said sister has taken a rather personal dislike of her for seeing (maybe dating?) Elle.

She gets back and through the debrief before hitting up the vending machine. But it doesn't have anymore cheesey poofs and as she heads to the locker room to switch out her panties, contemplating the last time she got to cuddle a puppy, there's a call for another bomb threat. Jumping into the air, she twitches at the fabric twisting up at that spot between her vagina and butthole, and clips the landing area's side wall on her way out of the DEO.

Whatever.

* * *

Kara sits in the mostly put-together salon with Elle, perching in her familiar stance, this time in green skinny jeans and glittery silver Doc Martens. Glasses rest on the top of Elle's dark hair as they chat. The mad scientist witch of slytherin house, Kara muses. A magic maker in National City. 

In looking around the salon, things are mostly shiny and new. Whatever field Elle had created had thankfully contained the near-nuclear explosion caused by Alex. Honestly, Kara is surprised no one died. And a bit more surprised that Elle is even willing to talk to her. The DEO swarmed her salon minutes after the explosion and had taken her into custody without so much as a "Golly gee."

As Elle had been led away, she casually tossed over her shoulder "Winn, would you please assist the DEO with footage?" Then she turned to Alex as she was carted past "Make sure you stamp my loyalty card, yeah?" Which, okay then, Elle knew about the DEO already? Why? Also, how did she--Supergirl--not know that Elle/Lena Luthor had been to the DEO over a year ago? Why had Alex never talked about it? 

They haven't brought up Alex, which is fine with Kara since she honestly has no idea what to say. Outside of the passive-aggressive "Hey, I'm free tonight, want to go smash something?" texts, the last time she saw her sister, the agent was killfully glaring at Kara as she turned in her badge and was led away. Kara had never seen Alex so irate as when Hank stripped her field agent duties and ordered the retrain and psych eval, effectively benching her for weeks, if not months. Hank's sigh as Alex grumbled down the hallway had Kara a little worried, but Kara has faith in Alex. Alex is angry, sure, but she's still her sister. They'll figure it out together. Ya know, when Alex starts talking to her again without vague threats of violence.

Elbows on the counter, Lyra dutifully answers the phone in English, then Standard Galactic. It's not a language Kara is familiar with, as she's not from this galaxy, but some sounds and the syntactic cadence are familiar. Elle told her that she doesn't know how to speak it, but she can get Kara some learning cubes. 

Something about being in a space that is partially uncentered from _humanity_ feels _good_. Being around Elle feels good. She can exist as an alien with Elle without having to explain her origins or her culture. Elle simply asks her for information she needs to know to do her job and Kara answers as honestly as she can. Otherwise, Elle treats her as a... person. Like, Elle talks to Kara almost the same as she talks to the barista when they've gone out to coffee. The same as how she listens to aliens and translators in the salon as she listens to humans in clubs. The only difference Kara has found is that Elle flirts more with her. Kisses her slowly. Elle has no preference in how she connects with others beyond a demand for openness. 

And how they talk is open and without pretense. Almost everything about Elle is open and unpretentious. Except the one little fact that she _is_ Lena Luthor. Not that she has shied away from answering Kara (outside of not having mentioned from the start), far from it--she has been exceptionally transparent with her salon and its liabilities. 

And though Elle answers all Kara's questions about her family and her thoughts on the debate in National City, there's something just out of reach, a small cubby Kara can't see, but can feel intuitively. It's visceral, Elle's open deception, like knocking on a hollow wooden box. She can't see the hidden latch to open the thing, but she can _feel_ there's something there. Elle knows more than she lets on, she shares glances with Lyra and has had Winn working for her for over a year. 

And that's another cubby--Winn. Kara's first best friend in National City. Winn, Kara's favorite IT comic book nerd who was the first person she came out to as Supergirl (she laughs at her vehement denial-- _No, I'm not gay_ ). Winn, a frightened yet courageous human who has never mentioned working a side job with Lena Luthor. A best friend that _gushed_ for three whole months about L-Corp's relocation and rebranding in National City and how he'd give up his collector's edition Han Solo, Princess Leia toys ("action figures and collectibles, Kara!"), and his left foot to see inside L-Corp's R&D labs--that guy--never once mentioned meeting and working for Lena Luthor. 

While Kara knows she is intensely private and protective, she also knows that there has to be a reason for all of these things. One of them is understandable, but all of them? 

"Why has Winn never mentioned meeting you before?" 

Elle's hands stop midair above the new crash cart. This cart has different canisters than the previous one. Hardly any glass containers, mostly nth metal with taped labels now clutter the top. The woman's face freezes before breaking out into a smile. 

"Because I blackmailed him." 

Oh. 

"Look, I don't play by other people's rules. Winn hacked into L-Corp and began downloading blueprints for an R&D project. Instead of calling the cops, who--let's face it--suck, I blackmailed him into disappearing me from DEO surveillance. Which isn’t exactly an accurate statement because they already know he works here and use him to keep an eye on me." 

Kara thinks about it. "So you capitalized on his fear to help yourself."

Elle's steady gaze holds Kara's. "Yeah, that sums it up." She nods with a shrug and downturned lips. 

"So why not turn him in for the theft to get rid of the surveillance?" Kara ponders. 

At this, Elle barks out a laugh and doubles over. Lyra didn't look over at them, but Kara notices she looks up from her phone and stares ahead, completely still. 

Mirth danced in her eyes before looking at Kara's face. "Oh, you're being serious." At this Elle smiled gently. "I know hackers. Most hackers have motives I understand--curiosity, justice, money. Winn is curious. But I don't believe in suing people for curiosity. And I definitely don't believe in imprisoning them for curiosity."

"You'll force them to work for you, instead." 

Elle laughs again and nods. "Exactly." 

"What did he find?" 

At this, Elle's laughing eyes dim a fraction. "I don't discuss projects with civilians." 

"What if I weren't a civilian?" 

"But you are, Kara Danvers," the low seductive voice slides over Kara's skin smoothly, matching Elle's hot stare. "You are a delectable morsel of goodness, are you not?" 

The gaze parcels Kara and she feels naked in her button-up and tight khakis. She laughs high and airy. "No one is... A morsel of goodness." She fidgets "I have my own secrets." 

At this, Elle leans forward, licking her lips "Oh, you are definitely right about that. You are much more than a morsel." The scrutiny of her pale eyes is blatant and Kara wishes she could be more exhibitionist because she would really like Elle to pin her to this chair right now. "Can you tell me your secrets?" Somehow her voice dropped even lower and she gazes curiously at Kara. "I already know the secret on the inside of your thigh..."

A loud slam of the salon door signals Lyra's lunch break.

Eyes moving from the door to Kara, Elle's eyes dance over Kara like she is her prey. "Shall I try to find more of your secrets, Ms. Danvers?"

Later, Kara can't bring herself to lament that she didn't get her hair trimmed. 

* * *

"Bangs." 

"Yeah, what do you think?" 

Blinking Elle stares at Kara from beside the salon chair. 

"Bangs." Elle repeats out loud. The word is monotone, flat. 

When Kara looks up, her big blues maintain their hopeful roundness, and Elle has looks away a moment. Turning back, the pale eyes connect meaningfully with Kara's. Kara is being serious. Earnest even. 

Kara watches Elle struggle with something before her eyes soften "Whatever your E. T. heart desires." 

The smile stretches wide and Kara feels her eyes light up. Alex told her bangs would make her look too young, too childish. But Alex isn't the one calling the shots anymore. Kara is.

* * *

Before they begin discussing what specific style of bangs Kara wants, Lena first has to address reality. Like how is she going to cut Kara's hair. She can't just _ask_ Kara if she can use a spare set of kryptonite scissors because then she'd be outing that she knows Kara is Supergirl and admitting she knows Kara is Supergirl would mean having to sign a ton of paperwork. She chose this new career specifically to avoid signing a metric ton of paperwork and to stay off the DEO's radar. So no asking, mentioning, or _thinking_ about kryptonite. 

But not talking about kryptonite doesn't mean she can't make suggestions though. And get to experiment with her tools. Maybe something from another universe will work. She has so many ideas she can try. 

"We can do bangs, " she states confidently. "Let me grab my scissors," she is slowly reaching for a regular pair of scissors on the vanity, waiting for the woman to notice. Maybe Kara will even own up to having indestructible hair. When it becomes clear the alien is staring at Elle's boobs, Elle huffs and noisily plucks the scissors from the holster. Adjusting her grip and making snips in the air, Kara's eyes move up from her chest and seem to finally register her words. 

"Oh, remember that I have tough hair?" Kara lamely chimes. 

"Will these not work?" Elle intones sarcastically.

Chuckling, the blonde shakes her head, "Nope."

"Okay then," Elle sighs, returns the scissors to their cubby and waits. Nothing. This is going to take a while. 

"So...who usually cuts your hair?"

Laughing out loud, Kara's bright eyes are clearly amused. On looking back at Elle, however, she stops. "Oh, um. No one. I usually cut it."

Looking over the subtle layering, Elle nods in approval, "Well done. So...how do you cut your hair then?"

"With a mirror out over the ocean, angled upward so my--um--" Kara stops the talking of her mouth when her fingers point to her round eyes. Elle has seen her crush metal with her bare hands, float, and have _tough_ hair. The only two things left are her freeze breath and heat vision. Kara must realize she _cannot_ accidentally let anymore slip. 

Elle smirks as she turns away to look at the crash cart, pulling up a hand mirror and pretends to inspect it before looking up at Kara's bewildered face. "So you use a mirror?" Elle angles the mirror this way and that, as if divining how to implement it.

"For fuck sake," Lyra huffs from the front, angrily looking at the two women. Elle casts an angry look back at her. 

"Stop yelling at your phone so loudly," her intent wide-eyes flashing to hush Lyra. 

Lyra rolls her eyes and turns back to her phone. "Yeah, okay. This game is stupid."

Wincing, Kara looks up and speaks timidly. "I can't really say how I cut my hair without you possibly getting in trouble."

Elle wants to laugh out loud, but instead holds it back with a solemn nod, pursing her lips tightly. "Of course." She takes a moment of serious-facing Kara before turning back to the cart. Inhaling deeply, she refocuses. 

"Why not give yourself bangs?" Elle inquires, eyes searching for an object. 

"Because I wanted to see you," Kara says.

It melts Elle's heart just a smidge, but also means toying around until they find something that works that _isn't_ kryptonite. So they will essentially be compiling a long list of what exactly cannot cut Supergirl's hair before she is able to find something that _can_ cut it. 

A thought crosses her mind-- _Has something like this ever happened before?_ This is so exciting. Holding back a squeal, she joyously reaches for the industrial grade diamond-edged scissors. She is going to _experiment._ Her evil little heart stutters happily as a smile spreads across her lips.

* * *

Kara is not sure exactly how things have progressed to this point, but she _is_ sure that Elle seems to be enjoying herself. A lot. A scary amount of enjoying herself, actually. 

For the past hour, Elle has brandished a dagger, broken three sets of scissors, and dented a Hellgramite axe. 

Bent over her own knees, panting and grinning like the cat who got the milk, Elle breathes out "Don't worry [huff], I have [huff] a couple more [huff] tricks up my sleeve."

Kara tries not to judge other people much, after all, she is from another planet, but Elle is really aroused. Which Kara would not mind in the least, excepting for the fact that Elle didn't get really turned on until she picked up the dagger. And started sweating pheromones as she hefted the bright pink axe above her head, maniacal focus trained on the crown of Kara's head, where they had brushed back and pinned the front locks down onto a jerry-rigged alien hair-cutting block. She wonders if maybe swinging things turns her on? Using weapons, perhaps?

That's another thing, too: Elle has _a lot_ of alien stuff. She has so many odds and ends, even Kara's alien brain can't process it all. However Elle came into her collection is a mystery, as are half of her... Tools? Knives? Weapons? 

As Elle tells her that they're going to have to schedule another time and that they'll also need to go to her lab for the next appointment, Kara looks around the salon and realizes that she really doesn't know anything about this woman. There are a lot of strange things Elle keeps out in the open--what else does she have that she isn't showing?

* * *

**SUPERMAN NEARLY KILLED**

**HEAD OF LUTHORCORP BOMBS METROPOLIS**

**FAMILY INHERITANCE: THE FUTURE OF LUTHORCORP**

**MYSTERIOUS ADOPTED DAUGHTER TO CARRY LUTHOR MANTLE**

**KEEPING IT UNDER WRAPS - NEW LUTHOR TAKES REIGNS OVERNIGHT**

**NEW LUTHOR, WHO THIS? YOUNG BLOOD TAKES NO PRISONERS IN MIDNIGHT COUP OF LUTHORCORP**

**LUTHORCORP GETS A FACELIFT: THE IMPACT OF A COMPANY'S SEEMINGLY NEW DIRECTION**

**5'9" FROM 9 TO 5: TALKING QUANTUM MECHANICS AND JIMMY CHOO**

**LONGSHOT TO LONGVIEW : CATCO'S EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH NATIONAL CITY'S FRESHEST CEO**

Kara stops at this, eyes bugging. Cat Grant's name is tucked neatly under the title. The article is dated three years ago, before Kara had become Supergirl.

Hurriedly, Kara clicks the title and scrolls through the pop-ups to get to the transcript and short video. Behind the red play button is a stoic Lena Luthor reclined on a circular tan couch at some ritzy restaurant, arm draped over the back. Next to her is Cat Grant, pose mirroring Lena's. Kara's heart speeds up and she swallows. She clicks.

The opening of the video is a styled arc, editing capturing both women's faces throughout the interview, centering around Lena and ending on Cat's face as she begins introductions. The camera pans back as the two moguls laugh together. Already on the table are glasses of whiskey and a scattering of small plates with half eaten food. 

It's implied that the women ate together before cameras came out, and Kara wonders at how young and business-like Elle--Lena--looks. There's hardly anything soft about this Lena, she's all angles and bold lines. Her hair is braided back in a low bun and Kara feels a little creepy at how much she enjoys looking at the expanse of skin above her silk blouse. 

After getting through amicable greetings, Ms. Grant starts swinging immediately, going straight in to the events in Metropolis the day Lex Luthor turned the sun red.

Lena swallows, face composed, words tight, and she's clearly keeping a firm hand on her emotions. But she answers openly, and seemingly, honestly.

After Lena describes how it felt to walk out in police custody to broken city streets and chaos, the two women take a long moment. Leaning forward, Lena picks up a glass of water and sips carefully. Her focus remains on the cup until she's taken a deep breath and exhales. 

Cat leans forward "Many people accuse you of being a co-conspirator and accomplice to Lex."

At this Lena straightens, but remains quiet, waiting. 

Watching Lena carefully, Cat continues "However, I found police footage and court testimony that clearly proves Lex abducted you and physically restrained you in his office--" 

A flash of anger and Lena clears her throat to interrupt Cat. "What happened in Metropolis was terrorism, plain and simple. And the truth, no matter what or how I feel about it, is that my brother terrorized and murdered people in a quest to dominate Superman. Yes, Lex abducted me--but unlike the rest of Metropolis during the attack, I was safe. That should never have happened and my heart and support go out to each survivor and their families. I cannot undo what my family has done, but since I have taken the helm of LuthorCorp, I have taken Lex's money and resources for reparations for the city and its people. What is most important right now is not to linger too long on the past while also honoring those who were victims, survivors, and heroes. And the best way I can honor those who lost and sacrificed so much is to pick up what we have and rebuild something smarter, something better. And more importantly, something kinder."

There's clearly more to this story, but it won't be discussed in this moment. Under the unmoving mask, Lena stares at Cat intently, as if communicating something wordlessly. The camera on Cat's face does not give anything away as Cat seamlessly pivots to gossip. 

Pressing on, Cat brings up concerns and rumors. Lena responds to concerns and passes over the rumors with a smile and shrug.

Cat brings up dating and Lena laughs. The low throaty sound is familiar, though not as relaxed as Kara has heard it. The CEO runs a hand down her clavicle and levels a sultry look at Cat.

"Why, Ms. Grant, if you're interested in a date, all you have to do is ask." All feeling above Kara's panty line is suddenly gone. She tries to swallow, but her throat is dry.

Cat sits up straighter and smirks. The two powerhouses share a look and Lena raises her chin.

"Did you ask Lord about dating last month?" Lena's meaning is clear.

In most instances, this kind of retort derails the interviewer, but Cat Grant is going with it, rolling her eyes and heaving an insufferable sigh. "As if there's anyone who hasn't been cornered by Lord to discuss his 'prowess'." Lena is sucking in her lips and the two women share a knowing look and move on. Cat brings up financial restructuring and lofty scientific expeditions.

"Yes, L-Corp has high goals. I'm not interested in small problems and small answers. I'm running one of the most lucrative and innovative companies in the world. I can't imagine a bigger waste of my time and people's money than to put our focus on short-term gap measures. I don't want short-term answers. The people of National City don't want short-term answers.

"L-Corp's goals are everyone's goals: a safer future, smarter _accessible_ technology, _accessible_ healthcare. I lead a team, an incredibly large team, of brilliant, clever, dedicated people. It might have been my acumen and name that got me to this position, but it will be L-Corp's team that will bring us into the future. The people who work in my building aren't going to find short-term, plug-the-hole fixes. They're finding sustainable solutions to climate change right now. They're inventing tech that, quite frankly, is going to revolutionize National City."

An impressed eyebrow arches on Cat's face and she leans back.

"What kind of tech?" Cat nudges with a charming smile.

A smirk and a tilt of her chin. Lena pauses, sips the whiskey, weighing her words. Cat lifts a shoulder, inviting Lena to divulge something, anything.

"Well, this is going to upset the marketing department, but" Lena leans forward "we're in the final stages of creating image inducers."

"And what exactly does that mean for the people of National City?"

"It means different things for different people. For some aliens, it means an opportunity at employment that's been previously denied. For others, it means not being harassed and threatened. It isn't one thing. With a city as diverse as this one, technology won't ever have a singular purpose. It can't."

"Is that all?"

Lena's eyebrows rise at this, but her expression remains calm. She adjusts her hands in her lap and looks up again a bit more somber and then smiles knowingly. "Of course that's not all. As you're aware, L-Corp is hosting National City's Children's Hospital Charity Gala next Friday. Our goal is to raise thirty million in relief funds and grants for families currently in financial need. We'll be auctioning some amazing raffles--latest virtual reality games, a Ferrari, a lasso signed by Harrison Ford, and --" The CEO pauses dramatically and slowly smiles coyly, "And--if we're lucky--maybe even dinner with the inimitable Cat Grant."

At this, Cat is sucking in her cheeks and Kara can't help but cheer on past-Lena for turning the tables on Cat Grant.

And then there is that head tilt and Lena is smiling. "So, will we see you there, Ms. Grant?"

At this, Cat demures and begins wrapping up the video portion of the interview. ]

The transcript of the extended interview is below and Kara pours over it, trying to glean information about what Lena Luthor is doing now, who is running L-Corp, and why she left. It's all talk of hobbies (reading, seriously?), clothes, and more L-Corp inventions and innovations.

Once she's done with the interview rabbit hole, Kara gives in and Googles "Cat Grant dating Lena Luthor". All the TMZ videos and photos are vague and no one confirms a single thing except that the two women occasionally go for coffee or lunch. There are photos of a purported "engagement ring" on Lena from 2 years ago, but no one has ever confirmed anything.

Leaning over the keyboard, Kara huffs. This was not what she was expecting. 

Remembering how pissed Alex was, Kara decides to Google "Lillian Luthor National City". 

Granted, Kara had been here as Supergirl for the event, but she had been left out of nearly all intel meetings, essentially being told to sit and wait until there was something for her to do. As results begin popping up, Kara snorts, remembering how uncool Alex had been for the whole year while Kara trained up on combat and intelligence. 

Shaking her head, she starts reading the more recent info. 

**LUTHOR MATRIARCH NEARLY NUKES NATIONAL CITY**

**LCORP OR BUSTED? LENA LUTHOR ARRESTED IN CONNECTION WITH SIEGE OF NATIONAL CITY**

**LOCAL AND NATIONAL SECURITY TEAMS FAILED NATIONAL CITY'S MOST VULNERABLE**

**COURAGE IN THE SHADOWS: NATIONAL CITY'S UNDOCUMENTED ALIENS UNSUNG HEROES**

**HOW MANY LUTHORS DOES IT TAKE TO FAIL?**

**LUTHORS R US: NAME BRAND XENOPHOBIA**

**THE LUTHOR LEGACY**

**LENA LUTHOR CONSPICUOUSLY ABSENT IN RECENT COURT CASE**

**LCORP PUSHES FORWARD AMIDST LUTHOR MATRIARCH'S ABSENCE**

So what was it that Lena did? Even though all news sources hinted at Lena's possible involvement, the DEO had let her go--otherwise Kara would have never met Elle at the salon. Scrolling further into Luthor trials, she found that Lena had testified against her brother and mother multiple times over the years. But not in the most recent trial against Lillian. Had Lena been helping Lillian?

From past examples and the current version of Lena Kara knew, that didn't seem to add up at all. Why would Lena help her mother? And if she didn't help her mother, why wouldn't she help in the most recent trial? 

Biting her lip, Kara decided it was time to grill Winn.

* * *

While leaving for lunch, she decides to ask him about what he saw in the files he had hacked. Blanching, he deflects the entire way to the vending machine until she presses him back with a stern face. To her surprise, he isn't offering up information. 

Up against the vending machine, eyes wide and pleading, Winn whines, "Kara, please, do not ask me about that." His hand pumps downward, fingers splaying as if cautioning away from something dangerous. 

"How long have you been working for Elle?" Kara decides to change tactics.

Swallowing, Winn guiltily looks down, "Almost a year."

"A year?" Kara scoffs. "You have been working for her for a year and you never told me," she points to her chest, "your best friend."

At this, Winn's face crumples, as sad as it is fearful. "Kara," he whimpers. "You don't understand. I didn't know what I was looking at at first--and then Lena showed up with her scary face and glowy gauntlet and made me swear to never speak of it." Swallowing again and looking around her shoulders, Winn appears to be afraid in this very moment. "I promise you this: what I found isn't what I thought I'd find."

Round eyes and pouting, Kara sighs dejectedly. 

"No-no-no, you can't do that to me," Winn's brow wrinkles adorably low as the power of her pout pounds his willpower.

She purses her lips before twisting them to the side in sorrow, looking away. "It's gotta be really hard on you," she cajoles gently.

With a big breath, he is nodding, "It really is, you have no idea."

"And there are no ho-ho's, and I haven't hugged a puppy in _days_ ," she lists off, "And Alex might lose her job, and Elle could be a terrorist... ." She looks down, letting her eyes get a little watery. "I just want to know that my best friend is okay and he won't even talk to me about how he's been treated." Pausing for effect, she presses another pout and can all but hear the sadness in her best friend's blessed heart.

"I can't talk about it, but what I will tell you," he breaks, sweat beading his brow with anxiety, "is that if there were anything crazy scary, Hank would have kept her locked up."

"Good," Kara nods, and then double-takes. "Wait--what do you mean kept her locked up? When?"

With a another frustrated sigh, Winn pleads "Come on, Kara. I'm already sweating through my cardigan. You have no idea what you're asking of me."

Giving up, Kara sighs and looks away, "Okay, fine. But you owe me."

With a huge sigh of relief, Winn nearly collapses on the vending machine, grumbling and turning around. After looking through the selections, he turns to Kara, "Hey--there are ho-ho's right there!"

With a little smile of innocence, Kara gives a little shrug and takes the bag of chips Winn selected.

"Hey! What? Come on, Kara!" Winn follows after. "I told you what I could--those are mine!" 

Walking to the lunch room, Kara opens the bag and inhales the chips, "These are reparations for my best friend lying to me for over a year."

Grumbling with a scowl, Winn mumbles as he pulls his lunch from the fridge, "Danvers sisters are the worst."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoutout to all the gender NC people out here. You're awesome, fuck the system, and yeah, finding underwear that fits comfortably and covers your bits the way you want is nigh impossible. Good luck on your every quest for adequate underoos.  
> Complete tangent: if you're cool with kids movies, watch Onward. It's... good. And that's all I will say here, but if you wanna chat about it, hit me up @heckinfic on tumblr. Because... yeah :3


End file.
